KG!

In three months, Yusuf behind KG. I can't fathom that he will be away from 8:45am until 3:20pm every day. It's so strange. And he is such a pleasure to be around that I know I will miss him. It feels like the beginning of a new stage- it is, I know - and I feel a little nostalgic.

When he was a colicky baby I bet I would have been mighty pleased if someone had just taken him off my hands until 3:20pm every day. But as I realize more and more every day, he is not a colicky little baby anymore. Far, far from it. 

Yusuf of the fancy vocabulary ("I certainly prefer the aquarium to the museum", "If you have no teeth, chewing would be problematic") and the lengthy explanations ("Mummy let me tell you all about invertebrates/hurricanes/condensation") and the inquisitive mind and the responsible instincts and the noble-mindedness- he is growing up. 

So when he does have a cranky moment, even in the midst of my exasperation, I am pleased. Because he is still my little boy. Don't grow up too quickly.

Leonard!

We went to a Leonard Cohen concert last night. Taher came home and surprised me - he basically told me we had a sitter and we would be leaving shortly, and I didn't know where we were going.
And when we got to the city, I still had no idea what we were doing- and in fact I was busy staring at this huge new Walgreens on the corner and how it was big enough to have a deli inside when suddenly I saw the marquee- Leonard Cohen!
Leonard is such an amazing poet and artist and his lyrics - to his older songs - they affect me deeply. They move me.
I got to watch him sing Suzanne and Hallejulah and I'm Your Man and a couple dozen others. It was FUN.
Thank you Taher :)

No more chemicals!

Been doing a lot of reading about the chemicals in our daily body and household products, decided to purge the toxic chemicals throughout the house. Here are my new recipes:

all ingredients i am using get a low (good) rating on the EWG's skin deep website and a good rating on goodguide.com as well. which means they are not toxic, not cancerous, safe for humans, etc.

toothpaste: dr bronner's castile liquid soap in peppermint, mixed with baking soda to create a paste. this tastes soapy though so i need to add xylitol in next time. otherwise it feels good and leaves my teeth feeling clean and smooth.

hand soap: 1 part dr bronner's to 10 parts water. this has replaced all hand soap in the house.

body lotion: we are using straight up Nutiva coconut oil all over our bodies after a bath or shower. for all 4 of us.

face wash: jojoba oil or, if i feel like i have a zit coming on, a mixture of castor oil/olive oil to control that.

my own body wash in shower: none needed. no soap to dry out my skin, and water is more cleansing than people realize, once you break the cycle of removing natural oils and then replacing with synthetic ones, which dry you out, causing you to replace with synthetic ins again, etc.

for washing the kids in the bath: using a solution of alaffia african black soap diluted with water.

hair care: putting coconut oil on kids and my own hair once a week. after the oiling, we use Alaffia african black soap (diluted with water) to wash it out, for two days. other 5 days a week, NO shampoo on the hair. i have been doing the no-shampoo method for days and my scalp has adjusted now so not getting greasy, and water making my hair feel clean. my curls are bouncy, not weighed down.
***UPDATE: I wasn't enjoying the experience of not having shampoo in the shower. So I'm now using a DIY shampoo of Dr Bronner's plus coconut milk. About 1:1. It lathers and smells good.

also using apple cider vinegar to rinse hair every week or so, but not more than that because very acidic, don't want to do this too much.

some say baking soda works for them but it can be drying, so if your hair is oily, try this, but if dry, maybe not.

face scrub: sugar mixed with coconut oil makes a nice face scrub. not too often though for me because my skin is dry, not oily.

household cleaning:

countertops, etc using 1/2 vinegar and 1/2 water. if dirty and soap is needed, using 1 part bronners to 10 parts water.

for scrubbing in sinks and tubs, using baking soda mixed with bronners.

for toilets, baking soda.

for spraying on fruits and veggies (the ones where the skin is consumed), using 1 part bronner to 10 parts water.

for dishwasher, using a paste made of equal parts bronner's and baking soda. using vinegar in the rinse-aid box of the dishwasher. this is working well- just unloaded the dishwasher and no residue, no dirty dishes. everything is nice and clean.

for laundry, instead of dryer sheets (respiratory impairment and also sometimes gelatin), using two pieces of cloth that each have a safety pin in them, using these two cloths in every dryer cycle to eradicate static. Using science, not chemicals!

Candles are as polluting to the air as air fresheners, so use essential oil on cotton balls in the house, or potpourri.

i think that's it for now! in the next few months as certain foods and cosmetics run out, i will think hard about what i replace them with, and eventually i can be more comfortable with what we eat, now that i am happy with what products we use on our bodies!

Not a Kindle

"The owners of the book were born and died; what remained was the physical book itself. It needed to be handled with increasing delicacy and care as the binding grew loose with age, but you knew that it was the exact same book that others had read before you, and that you had read in the years before. Would the words have inspired Mom the same way if they had been flashing on a screen? She didn't think so."

Affection

Time! stop passing so quickly!
Nooriya tells me everyday that I'm her best friend. Yusuf cuddles me everyday and tells me he will hug me every day forever. I took a video of that as evidence :)
I have been feeling so sad lately that time has to pass. I want them to stay little for a while longer. A lot longer!

Happy New Year

We are coming off a two-week holiday season in which we got to hang out with our extended families and good friends, and it was so fun and heartwarming. The kids have so much fun with their cousins, and watching them makes me happy, and happy for them.
The end of the year brings two resolutions for me- one, to be healthier in terms of nutrition and exercise (a resolution that most people make, I'm sure). The second is to focus on who and what is important in my life, and to live in a way that sets an example to my kids about figuring out what you love, who supports you, who your true friends are, and that nothing is more important than family and our Deen.
We continually tell the kids to be nice to everyone, even to those who treat them poorly. I try - and succeed, I believe- in living this advice. Of course, it is not easy.
There are a few individuals I know who do not behave as good friends should- when I am around them, I have to put effort into reacting with aimiability rather than annoyance. I have to remind myself that I am responsible for my own actions only and, truly, that is all I can control.
So I turn my focus towards the example I am setting for my children. And although it's only January 7th, I think both my resolutions will go well, inshallah :)

my State Dept trip

Hi everyone, I returned yesterday from my State Dept trip to Thailand and Cambodia. Over the course of 12 days, I spoke to varied audiences consisting of college students, community members, NGO workers, professors, and local government officials; people at the poverty level, people from the upper class, and everyone in between.

A large part of the discussions focused on breaking down stereotypes about being a Muslim in the US. I was often asked if there are mosques in the US, and whether Muslims are able to practice Islam freely, wear hijab, hold any type of job, etc. I explained that being a Muslim does not interfere with one’s ability to get an education or a job in the US, and that the US protects every individual’s right to practice his/her religion freely. In America there are Muslims in every aspect of US life- doctors, lawyers, artists, even government. And that in the US, achieving one’s goals is done via education and on the basis of merit.

I also spoke to the audiences about the fact that Western and Islamic values are not at odds, as some might think. I also spoke about the misunderstandings that happen when people confuse Middle Eastern culture with Islam- Islam is a religion that does not subjugate women, but rather empowers them and affords them equal rights.

When speaking to poorer communities in Cambodia, I focused on the importance of education and stressed that education is key to establishing oneself and can better not only that individual’s situation but can in fact uplift the entire community. The villagers in Battambang told me that it costs $2 a day for their children to commute to the nearest public school, and that this is out of budget for them. They said that unless the government can offer a scholarship, they prefer to have their children work on the farm and earn an income, rather than spend money on education. The purpose of my visit was to let them air their concerns about the cost of education, but to also give them needed inspiration and motivation to prioritize schooling for their children and to help them find a few practical solutions to get their kids to school. Waiting for a handout from the government is not an option- and in the long run, will not lead to the kind of upliftment education can bring.

In all the events, I asked audiences to feel free to ask me questions- I allotted much time to let people speak their minds to me and I feel that this was instrumental in resolving misunderstandings. It was only by allowing individuals to challenge me with questions and by letting them bring up the issues and questions important to them that we could make progress and truly learn from each other. Sometimes people became passionate about their views and this always led to very interesting, lively discussion.

At one event in Chiang Mai in Thailand, one of the audience members- a middle-aged Muslim Thai man – began to get upset because he felt that Americans – as a group- are unrepentant about the war in Iraq and Afghanistan and that, unequivocally, we support our government’s actions and motivations. I addressed his comments by first telling him to please realize that America is a multi-faceted society with people who have a variety of political leanings. People protest every day outside the White House to show their displeasure with the actions of their government, and to simply assume that all Americans are smug and self-serving is as unfair as assuming that all Muslim men are terrorists.

Some audience members wanted to talk about hijab. Are women able to wear hijab freely in the US? Do all women in the US wear it the same way? Others had questions about gay rights and Islam in America. Still others wanted me to talk about Muslim holidays in the US; violence against Muslims; arranged marriage; etc.

People were happy to have a chance to speak and interested in my answers to their questions. After each event, people approached me and told me that I had given them a different perspective. Many people thanked me for giving them the chance to participate and I was overwhelmed by the positive response.

 I knew, before leaving for this trip, that although I was officially the one who would be offering perspective and a glimpse into the lives of others, that I would gain these things multifold. People told me they were glad I had come to speak to them, but I am grateful to each of the almost 900 people who assembled and listened and spoke to me. I say or think “alhamdolillah” dozens of times every day, and this trip has only reinforced my belief that dozens is not nearly enough. I am grateful that I never had to choose between education and food. I am grateful that as an American I can practice my religion freely, that I can speak my mind, that I have been given the chance to affect positive change. I am grateful to the people I met on this trip who welcomed me and gave me perspective and fed me and entertained me and, especially, challenged me. Alhamdolillah :)

I Speak for Myself Volume 2

I know it's been a while since I posted, but I decided to come out of hiding to announce that my 2nd book, "All-American: 45 American Men on Being Muslim", the 2nd volume in the I Speak for Myself series, is being released June 1st!

Check out http://www.ispeakformyself.com/ to order the book :)

caught up

lately i have been working on my 2nd book, doing PR for my 1st book, and figuring out the legal and contractual stuff to establish I Speak for Myself, Inc. as a franchise and a book series.. not to mention my most important job of all- taking care of yusuf and nooriya.

both of them have noticed that i am a bit busier than usual, and that my laptop is often in the basement with us. i still manage to get a lot of playtime in with them, but i am a little distracted, especially on days when i have deadlines to meet, calls to make, etc.

the result is that they have both become extremely clingy, wanting me to stay in sight at all times, wanting me to do things for them that they are capable to doing themselves. but it's ok. i actually prefer their super-stickiness to the aloof teenaged behavior that i know will come one day.

anyway, it's an exciting time for me. i hope that it's the beginning of a wonderful career in the publishing industry. it's the career i dreamt of when i first decided to major in English Lit in college, so hopefully i can see it all work out for my partner and me. inshallah.

she juggles

the last several weeks/months have been a blast for me. i have seen what was, five years ago, just an idea become an actual book. that i can hold in my hands. and this experience has been wonderful.

of course, i have had help in managing the kids alongside the added work/travel/phone calls that come with a book launch. and for this i am very grateful. i don't feel, really, that any aspects of my life have fallen off the priority list. i seem to be juggling it well, and i think, alhamdolillah, that i'm making it work.

the one thing i haven't been doing, though, is blogging or journalling about this experience. i know that at some point i will want to read what i was experiencing as my first book came into the world, but although i have started a few drafts on this blog, i haven't posted much.

so i will take this moment to say that i am feeling grateful and supported, excited and thrilled, a little tired, a little wiser. i am proud of the family and friends who are taking this book effort seriously and seeing the real mission at hand- it goes way beyond me and is indeed a message i hope everyone hears. regarding the (very few) negative people, this book is beyond them also.

so. alhamdolillah for my people, for the opportunities, for the lining-up of elements that have led to this book in this moment. i feel happy and i look forward to more books.

It's Real!

my book just arrived in the mail. i am actually holding it, and finally it seems real.

yayyyy!

i want to go to the bookstore and see it on a shelf. i want to hug everyone.

this is a fun moment :)

American Women on Being Muslim

I have been writing articles and marketing materials and mini-features and emails about why we thought this book was necessary in the current dialogue. And now that it's time to post it to my own blog, I want to use as few words as possible. I would rather just say that everyone needs to experience this book. Beyond that, I will let the women within it speak for themselves.

small now

i haven't blogged in a while. i need to do it more often, so here goes!

every now and then i suddenly realize that my tiny children will one day be teenagers, and that, according to everyone who has older children, this will happen "before i know it" and "in the blink of an eye" and "so quickly". and in response to this realization i quickly scoop up the nearest one and plant kisses all over him/her and relish in how easy it is to make them laugh.

i know there are great things to come, inshallah, but i hear older kids don't cuddle freely and smile with their entire bodies and their skin doesn't look luminous even in harsh direct sunlight.

and if you tell them something super cheesy like, "hey, you know what? i loved you before i even met you!" their response is closer to the eye-rolling end of the spectrum than the nod-enthusiastically-and-offer-hugs end of the spectrum.

not that i can blame them. i say some super-cheesy things. and if karma exists, i will be the recipient of much eye-rolling in the years to come.

my mom's letter

in september 1978, aqa moula (tus) made his first trip to america, and my parents had the enormous barakat of having utaro at their house.

the first american house into which aqa moula (tus) stepped is the house in which i took my own first steps.

when this historic visit took place, my mom wrote a letter to her parents and family in india, telling them in detail how the visit came about, what it was like to have aqa moula (tus) there, what went on, who was there, etc. she read the letter to me last week and it was suspenseful and thrilling and written in such amazing detail that i was riveted. it is such an important letter, in that she has caputured a part of our family's history as well as a significant moment in the history of dawat.

my family- my parents, brother and i - were lucky enough to have two private ziyafats in the period of time that aqa moula (tus) was in the house, and i received qadam bosi at the age of one month. i know that the happiness i have experienced since then is a result of this barakat.

the letter that my mom wrote is a treasure- without it, i would never have known that as aqa moula (tus) took afternoon chai in the backyard of my house, he asked my mother to bring me over to him, and then had my dad take a video of this. i would never know that aqa moula (tus) gave my mom a taweez that he wrote by hand just for me. the visit was marked by one perfect moment after another, and after reliving these moments through my mom's letter, i am so infinitely thankful for the barakat of that visit.

alhamdolillah.

techy

when yusuf was one, we thought it was adorable that he would hold toys up to his ear and pretend to talk on the phone.

now that he's almost 3, he has taken to carrying around an old cell phone in his jeans pocket and he keeps pulling it out and talking quickly on it and then flipping it closed and smoothly putting it back in his pocket.

and a little while ago he lined up a bunch of his animals and told them to stay still so he could take a video. and then he pretended to be annoyed with the video and press a bunch of buttons, presumably to delete it- since that is usually what i do when i take a video (but in my defense, my subjects do NOT hold as still as yusuf's animals do).

this stage of his life comes with a lot of tantrums, but thankfully they are outnumbered by moments that just crack me up.

Happy 1st Birthday, Nooriya

Nooriya, you're ONE! a whole year old! it's been a long, slow, fast, wild, hectic, peaceful, calm, chaotic, exciting, frustrating, completely awesome year. here is to about a hundred more!

a year ago today i began the day not knowing that by 5 pm i would have delivered you. you surprised us all, and you are still surprising me every single day.

i cannot believe how high you climb, how curious and relentless you are, and how you already know exactly how to make me laugh. you seem so small compared to your big brother, but you really don't let him push you around. you're just a cool little girl.

you already speak a handful of words and you've been walking for a while, and that's all because you are a total go-getter. i am sure we are in for some interesting exchanges in the future.

at this moment you keep knocking down the recycling bin and i cannot concentrate on what i am writing. i think a video of what you are doing at this precise moment would speak louder than any blog post i type up, so maybe i will end here and just play with you. because now you seem to have climbed halfway up my leg and your nose is running on my pants and one of your ponytails has come out and now you've gone to the table and eaten a cheerio off the floor.

darling, you move fast.

I LOVE YOU. be happy, stay gorgeous, keep on truckin.

waras mubarak, Nooriya!

Nooriya's 1st waras is this Friday- our tiny newborn is now a rambunctious toddler, and it's been an honor to watch her develop so far.

taher and i talk a lot about our own perspectives when it comes to this relationship between us and Nooriya, and how much we have changed and accomplished over the past year. but really, it's Nooriya who we should applaud- her list of achievements in the last 12 months are endless. she is walking now, and when i think of how vastly different that is from her first month as a tiny, swaddled infant, i realize that she is just amazing.

all babies learn to roll and laugh and walk, and Nooriya is not different in this regard, but to me she is outstanding and unique and the most beautiful girl in the world. amantobillah.

mubarak, baby girl. i love you.

going places

nooriya started taking steps a couple of weeks ago, but they were not controlled steps- more like, "woah, woah, i'm moving, ahh..." and then she'd fall down. the fact that she was doing this at all at 10.5 months of age was impressive to me, since yusuf was in the "that looks dangerous- i think i'll just stay here, close to the floor" category until just past his first birthday, at which point he decided to risk it and take some steps.

last night, nooriya actually got up and just sauntered across the floor for about 6 steps before my clapping, yelling and hooting scared her and she dropped to a crawl and started crying. sorry, nooriya! moms are excitable.

they have such different styles, these two. yusuf definitely does his share of noisemaking and jumping off of things and running around and around and around the room, but more often than not you will find him sitting with a puzzle or telling you the difference between a bison and a buffalo (something about the horns, i guess), while nooriya goes off to scale a wall or something. she will sit quietly only if the planets align in just the right way. otherwise it's one adventure after another with this girl.

i already know which one of them, in high school, will actually learn physics while the other just memorizes the formulas.

our crazy august

taher broke his ankle last saturday, and although it's only been 9 days since then, i feel like it's been an eternity. it's been hectic, to say the least. like a headless chicken, i run run run around, trying to meet the needs of nooriya and yusuf and taher. and the house. and somewhere in there i try to remember to eat.

i am just waiting and waiting for taher to be able to walk, so that things can ease up around here a little.

to make things even more interesting, we've had other stuff going on that has taken a lot of our mental energy. and i've been pulled in a few directions as a result.

but all i can say is, alhamdolillah. for so many reasons: the "other stuff" is quickly resolving. i have these family members who really come through when you need them. nooriya was unharmed in the fall. taher gets to be home everyday (working from home isn't ideal for him, but i sure like having him around!). when i think about all that i do have, the extreme fatigue of this past week lifts away a little, and i feel lots and lots of gratitude.

here's to health and happiness and my loved ones, most of all.

nice save

yesterday we were headed out the door for a wedding- yusuf and i were standing by the door with our shoes on and taher was heading down the stairs towards us, with nooriya in his arms- when he tripped and fell down the stairs.

holding nooriya.

and in order to save her, he fell badly and broke his ankle.

and now he can't walk for ten days, and he has a cast, and things will be difficult for a little while.

but alhamdolillah, he saved nooriya- she is FINE - and this is all going to pass.

taher, nice save. i still have to sign your cast!