caught up

lately i have been working on my 2nd book, doing PR for my 1st book, and figuring out the legal and contractual stuff to establish I Speak for Myself, Inc. as a franchise and a book series.. not to mention my most important job of all- taking care of yusuf and nooriya.

both of them have noticed that i am a bit busier than usual, and that my laptop is often in the basement with us. i still manage to get a lot of playtime in with them, but i am a little distracted, especially on days when i have deadlines to meet, calls to make, etc.

the result is that they have both become extremely clingy, wanting me to stay in sight at all times, wanting me to do things for them that they are capable to doing themselves. but it's ok. i actually prefer their super-stickiness to the aloof teenaged behavior that i know will come one day.

anyway, it's an exciting time for me. i hope that it's the beginning of a wonderful career in the publishing industry. it's the career i dreamt of when i first decided to major in English Lit in college, so hopefully i can see it all work out for my partner and me. inshallah.

she juggles

the last several weeks/months have been a blast for me. i have seen what was, five years ago, just an idea become an actual book. that i can hold in my hands. and this experience has been wonderful.

of course, i have had help in managing the kids alongside the added work/travel/phone calls that come with a book launch. and for this i am very grateful. i don't feel, really, that any aspects of my life have fallen off the priority list. i seem to be juggling it well, and i think, alhamdolillah, that i'm making it work.

the one thing i haven't been doing, though, is blogging or journalling about this experience. i know that at some point i will want to read what i was experiencing as my first book came into the world, but although i have started a few drafts on this blog, i haven't posted much.

so i will take this moment to say that i am feeling grateful and supported, excited and thrilled, a little tired, a little wiser. i am proud of the family and friends who are taking this book effort seriously and seeing the real mission at hand- it goes way beyond me and is indeed a message i hope everyone hears. regarding the (very few) negative people, this book is beyond them also.

so. alhamdolillah for my people, for the opportunities, for the lining-up of elements that have led to this book in this moment. i feel happy and i look forward to more books.

It's Real!

my book just arrived in the mail. i am actually holding it, and finally it seems real.

yayyyy!

i want to go to the bookstore and see it on a shelf. i want to hug everyone.

this is a fun moment :)

American Women on Being Muslim

I have been writing articles and marketing materials and mini-features and emails about why we thought this book was necessary in the current dialogue. And now that it's time to post it to my own blog, I want to use as few words as possible. I would rather just say that everyone needs to experience this book. Beyond that, I will let the women within it speak for themselves.

small now

i haven't blogged in a while. i need to do it more often, so here goes!

every now and then i suddenly realize that my tiny children will one day be teenagers, and that, according to everyone who has older children, this will happen "before i know it" and "in the blink of an eye" and "so quickly". and in response to this realization i quickly scoop up the nearest one and plant kisses all over him/her and relish in how easy it is to make them laugh.

i know there are great things to come, inshallah, but i hear older kids don't cuddle freely and smile with their entire bodies and their skin doesn't look luminous even in harsh direct sunlight.

and if you tell them something super cheesy like, "hey, you know what? i loved you before i even met you!" their response is closer to the eye-rolling end of the spectrum than the nod-enthusiastically-and-offer-hugs end of the spectrum.

not that i can blame them. i say some super-cheesy things. and if karma exists, i will be the recipient of much eye-rolling in the years to come.

my mom's letter

in september 1978, aqa moula (tus) made his first trip to america, and my parents had the enormous barakat of having utaro at their house.

the first american house into which aqa moula (tus) stepped is the house in which i took my own first steps.

when this historic visit took place, my mom wrote a letter to her parents and family in india, telling them in detail how the visit came about, what it was like to have aqa moula (tus) there, what went on, who was there, etc. she read the letter to me last week and it was suspenseful and thrilling and written in such amazing detail that i was riveted. it is such an important letter, in that she has caputured a part of our family's history as well as a significant moment in the history of dawat.

my family- my parents, brother and i - were lucky enough to have two private ziyafats in the period of time that aqa moula (tus) was in the house, and i received qadam bosi at the age of one month. i know that the happiness i have experienced since then is a result of this barakat.

the letter that my mom wrote is a treasure- without it, i would never have known that as aqa moula (tus) took afternoon chai in the backyard of my house, he asked my mother to bring me over to him, and then had my dad take a video of this. i would never know that aqa moula (tus) gave my mom a taweez that he wrote by hand just for me. the visit was marked by one perfect moment after another, and after reliving these moments through my mom's letter, i am so infinitely thankful for the barakat of that visit.

alhamdolillah.

techy

when yusuf was one, we thought it was adorable that he would hold toys up to his ear and pretend to talk on the phone.

now that he's almost 3, he has taken to carrying around an old cell phone in his jeans pocket and he keeps pulling it out and talking quickly on it and then flipping it closed and smoothly putting it back in his pocket.

and a little while ago he lined up a bunch of his animals and told them to stay still so he could take a video. and then he pretended to be annoyed with the video and press a bunch of buttons, presumably to delete it- since that is usually what i do when i take a video (but in my defense, my subjects do NOT hold as still as yusuf's animals do).

this stage of his life comes with a lot of tantrums, but thankfully they are outnumbered by moments that just crack me up.

Happy 1st Birthday, Nooriya

Nooriya, you're ONE! a whole year old! it's been a long, slow, fast, wild, hectic, peaceful, calm, chaotic, exciting, frustrating, completely awesome year. here is to about a hundred more!

a year ago today i began the day not knowing that by 5 pm i would have delivered you. you surprised us all, and you are still surprising me every single day.

i cannot believe how high you climb, how curious and relentless you are, and how you already know exactly how to make me laugh. you seem so small compared to your big brother, but you really don't let him push you around. you're just a cool little girl.

you already speak a handful of words and you've been walking for a while, and that's all because you are a total go-getter. i am sure we are in for some interesting exchanges in the future.

at this moment you keep knocking down the recycling bin and i cannot concentrate on what i am writing. i think a video of what you are doing at this precise moment would speak louder than any blog post i type up, so maybe i will end here and just play with you. because now you seem to have climbed halfway up my leg and your nose is running on my pants and one of your ponytails has come out and now you've gone to the table and eaten a cheerio off the floor.

darling, you move fast.

I LOVE YOU. be happy, stay gorgeous, keep on truckin.

waras mubarak, Nooriya!

Nooriya's 1st waras is this Friday- our tiny newborn is now a rambunctious toddler, and it's been an honor to watch her develop so far.

taher and i talk a lot about our own perspectives when it comes to this relationship between us and Nooriya, and how much we have changed and accomplished over the past year. but really, it's Nooriya who we should applaud- her list of achievements in the last 12 months are endless. she is walking now, and when i think of how vastly different that is from her first month as a tiny, swaddled infant, i realize that she is just amazing.

all babies learn to roll and laugh and walk, and Nooriya is not different in this regard, but to me she is outstanding and unique and the most beautiful girl in the world. amantobillah.

mubarak, baby girl. i love you.

going places

nooriya started taking steps a couple of weeks ago, but they were not controlled steps- more like, "woah, woah, i'm moving, ahh..." and then she'd fall down. the fact that she was doing this at all at 10.5 months of age was impressive to me, since yusuf was in the "that looks dangerous- i think i'll just stay here, close to the floor" category until just past his first birthday, at which point he decided to risk it and take some steps.

last night, nooriya actually got up and just sauntered across the floor for about 6 steps before my clapping, yelling and hooting scared her and she dropped to a crawl and started crying. sorry, nooriya! moms are excitable.

they have such different styles, these two. yusuf definitely does his share of noisemaking and jumping off of things and running around and around and around the room, but more often than not you will find him sitting with a puzzle or telling you the difference between a bison and a buffalo (something about the horns, i guess), while nooriya goes off to scale a wall or something. she will sit quietly only if the planets align in just the right way. otherwise it's one adventure after another with this girl.

i already know which one of them, in high school, will actually learn physics while the other just memorizes the formulas.

our crazy august

taher broke his ankle last saturday, and although it's only been 9 days since then, i feel like it's been an eternity. it's been hectic, to say the least. like a headless chicken, i run run run around, trying to meet the needs of nooriya and yusuf and taher. and the house. and somewhere in there i try to remember to eat.

i am just waiting and waiting for taher to be able to walk, so that things can ease up around here a little.

to make things even more interesting, we've had other stuff going on that has taken a lot of our mental energy. and i've been pulled in a few directions as a result.

but all i can say is, alhamdolillah. for so many reasons: the "other stuff" is quickly resolving. i have these family members who really come through when you need them. nooriya was unharmed in the fall. taher gets to be home everyday (working from home isn't ideal for him, but i sure like having him around!). when i think about all that i do have, the extreme fatigue of this past week lifts away a little, and i feel lots and lots of gratitude.

here's to health and happiness and my loved ones, most of all.

nice save

yesterday we were headed out the door for a wedding- yusuf and i were standing by the door with our shoes on and taher was heading down the stairs towards us, with nooriya in his arms- when he tripped and fell down the stairs.

holding nooriya.

and in order to save her, he fell badly and broke his ankle.

and now he can't walk for ten days, and he has a cast, and things will be difficult for a little while.

but alhamdolillah, he saved nooriya- she is FINE - and this is all going to pass.

taher, nice save. i still have to sign your cast!

a long way from aapo

these days, yusuf has a vocabulary that constantly surprises me. he knows words that are very difficult to define, and i know he learned them by just absorbing their meaning, but i am still very impressed at the nuances that he understands.

how did he learn words such as "instead" and "already" and "thinking"? i seriously don't get it.

and in the meantime, nooriya over here is crawling (not gracefully, but offically crawling), and as i type this she has made her way into the foyer and is navigating her way directly towards the shoes. i see what's ahead in the coming months - gates that have been open will soon be closed and yusuf will either have to learn to manipulate them open or live in confines he hasn't experienced in over a year - but for now i'm thrilled. she is mobile and curious and brave, and now she is over by the stairs. i guess we'll add "speedy" to that list.

insanity

yesterday i started a new workout called "insanity"- it's a series of dvd's that you use on a rotating schedule, and on my 2nd day in, i can say that the series is aptly named.

the warm up alone is a great workout. and the stretches before and after the workout are basically a series of yoga poses.

hello, i just worked out and showered and my heart rate still hasn't gone down all the way! it's awesome.

it just feels good to sweat through a workout, really- since nooriya's been born i have been sort of walking/jogging on the treadmill and not feeling like i've done anything, and i've done pilates which is amazing but isn't aerobic. this insanity thing is a whole lot of jumping around and squats and pushups, and by the end i'm satisfyingly wiped out.

anyway it's only day 2. in a few weeks let's see how i feel- my main thing is that i want to have more energy, as well as get back in shape, of course. feels good to just be doing something...

come ON

read this. it makes me wish i was swedish or french or canadian or lithuanian. or rather, it makes me wish the United States would prioritize my demographic in this respect:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parental_leave

the 39 steps

for Mother's Day, taher bought us tickets to a broadway show, so that's what we did this past friday night. these days we have a date night regularly, if not frequently. but we haven't gone to the city and seen a show in ages. and doing so on friday recalled, for me, a state of mind that i haven't had in a long time.

it wasn't that we were doing something new- rather, it was that we were doing something old- something that we used to do so often- that i felt like we had gone back in time 3 years.

i felt like a version of myself that i haven't glimpsed in a while, and it was nice.

on another note, as i was driving yusuf to school this morning, one house had a poster with a dated picture of a 2-year-old on it, and it read "happy high school graduation brian! we are proud of you." which made me realize that if their 18 year old was once 2, then my 2 year old will someday be 18. and way taller than me. which i cannot even comprehend at this point.

but it definitely makes me appreciate even more the fact that yusuf loves being cuddled and kissed and tickled. i'm thinking teenagers don't like that quite as much.

i like how you are

yusuf loves elephants, school buses and nooriya. get on the floor and pretend you are an animal- any animal- and you will make his day. tell him what something is and he will answer, "that's right" and nod like a schoolmarm. catch him doing something he shouldn't be doing and he will give you a smile that is positively studded with mischief, but also so charming that you will choose to ignore the transgression. how did he learn to do that? i mean, seriously. also his new favorite thing is to not only wash his hands and face after a meal, but sneak his plate into the bathroom sink as well and give it a rinse. he thinks he's helping, but yesterday i found a soggy, empty raisin box in the sink.

nooriya loves taking ridiculously short naps, spitting up huge amounts of milk and laughing really loudly for almost any reason. tickle her face, bounce her up and down, bring yusuf into her line of sight, and you will be rewarded with giggles that sound like rainbows and butterflies and other summery, shimmery, yummy things. bring a mirror into her line of sight and she turns the charm on, trying to make friends with that baby in the mirror. man, she likes that baby.

just what i wanted...

...although it has nothing to do with me.

yusuf and nooriya's surprisingly lovely relationship, that is. sure, yusuf occasionally takes back a toy or a book that he feels nooriya is stealing from him. but even when he does that, he gives her something else to distract her first. which is rather kind and caring, coming from a 2.5-year-old.

when he walks into the room and sees her, he exclaims, "hi nooriya! HI!" and runs towards her. on her end, she lights up, all smiles, legs kicking, trying to aim her rolling in his direction.

when he wakes up from a nap, he wants to see her. her fussing usually stops when he bounds into the room.

i mean, wow. i know they'll have their not-so-lovely moments, but right now i am loving this. a 2 year old boy isn't gentle with anything (many destroyed belongings of yusuf will attest to this), but with nooriya, he knows that he has to be a little more careful.

and my favorite, favorite part- when she is crying, he'll come over and hold her hand. and coo softly. and give her sweet smiles. and my even MORE favorite part? when he does all this, she stops crying.

it's magical. i hope this lasts, in some form, forever.

oh, you guys

i wish i took the time to blog more these days. sure, my days are often a whirlwind and things won't always be so hectic, so i can easily say i'll blog more later, when my kids are older and i have more breathing room.

but i love blogging because i know that what i write remains here- it's nice to know that now, in 2010, i can go back several years and read about myself during egypt, during the first days of being married, during our honeymoon, during thailand, during hajj, when we first had yusuf, his babyhood, our first year of parenting, etc.

now that nooriya is here, nobody can deny that our lives are busy, but this stage of my life is just as precious and just as BIG as all the stages that have gone before. and i know at some point i will want to read myself, and know myself, during this period of my life.

i used to say that writing was my way of processing my life and figuring out how i felt about something. i would journal and blog and write little notes to myself - constantly. these days i think the notes, i think out what i want to blog, but by the time i get a chance to sit at my laptop and write it all down, i'm done processing, because i've written it in a mental journal instead.

and when i do write it down, it seems unneccesary and redundant, or just stupid. for instance, "mental journal"??

but my friend M recently wrote some great posts on her blog- they were great because they were just what she was thinking, and it was obvious that she just sat and wrote it out, without thinking about it excessively- the result was a few really interesting posts that made me feel like i was talking to her- or listening to her talk. and she reminded me why i have a blog in the first place.

so i know that some loyal friends still check this blog from time to time, even though 99% of the time they see that my most recent post is the same one that has been up for months. i'll try, for their sake and moreover for my own, to blog more often.

now i'm going to hit Publish without reading this over. so who knows what i've just written... thanks for checking in! :)

yusuf

these days, i watch yusuf and i feel like documenting every little thing he does- he amazes me at times, and i feel that if i don't record every moment, i will, years from now, forget how special this stage is in his life.

i have a feeling that i will say the same thing at every stage of his life, but since i have a moment right now, i want to write down some of this while it's in my head. more for his sake than anyone else's, so bear with me if this bores anyone who isn't as invested in the little guy as i am :)

lately yusuf has been impressing us daily with his knowledge of things that we didn't think he could understand. he is showing us that he can learn things at lightning speed and that he is eager to absorb as much information as we can give him.

i bought him some puzzles a couple of months before nooriya was born- ABC's and 123's and colors- and he would bring each piece to us and ask, "what's this?" we answered him each time he asked, and within days he knew his letters and numbers and colors. i don't know how he learned so much in such a short amount of time, but it taught me something about how much of a sponge he is right now. and how to take better advantage of it.

his imaginary play delights me as well. it's come a long way from pretending to eat from toy bowls and spoons. and his perception constantly surprises me- he picks up on things that i would have thought were too subtle for him to understand. the way i'm holding my phone, he knows if i'm about to make a call or take a picture. and the way he manipulates us with his crying or his smiles is something i cannot even begin to dissect- it's an art form, apparently, and he knows he's good at it.

who knew two-year-olds were so fascinating?