hajj. two and a half weeks. and counting.
i feel lucky to be going for hajj, inshallah, at such a young age. i feel frightened that i will be swallowed up by the sea of millions and suddenly find myself lost. i feel excited that i will see the Kaba in a matter of weeks, the axis upon which all my namaz is balanced a concrete place that i can see and touch. i feel anxious that i will not remember all that i need to remember, will not pray the correct things at the correct times, will not be a perfect haji. i feel overwhelmed by the thought of having my ehram spoiled by impatience or frustration or even less-than-100%-cotton. but above all i feel that a catharsis is going to take place. that i am going to feel more spiritual than even on ashara. that i will emerge freshened and renewed and... better.
while i've been saying all along that i can't wait for hajj, suddenly it seems i don't have to wait anymore. we will be leaving in 16 days. a mere 16 days.