l'atitude

caught up

2011-07-24T09:20:00.002-05:00

lately i have been working on my 2nd book, doing PR for my 1st book, and figuring out the legal and contractual stuff to establish I Speak for Myself, Inc. as a franchise and a book series.. not to mention my most important job of all- taking care of yusuf and nooriya.

both of them have noticed that i am a bit busier than usual, and that my laptop is often in the basement with us. i still manage to get a lot of playtime in with them, but i am a little distracted, especially on days when i have deadlines to meet, calls to make, etc.

the result is that they have both become extremely clingy, wanting me to stay in sight at all times, wanting me to do things for them that they are capable to doing themselves. but it's ok. i actually prefer their super-stickiness to the aloof teenaged behavior that i know will come one day.

anyway, it's an exciting time for me. i hope that it's the beginning of a wonderful career in the publishing industry. it's the career i dreamt of when i first decided to major in English Lit in college, so hopefully i can see it all work out for my partner and me. inshallah.

she juggles

2011-05-13T13:21:00.000-05:00

the last several weeks/months have been a blast for me. i have seen what was, five years ago, just an idea become an actual book. that i can hold in my hands. and this experience has been wonderful.

of course, i have had help in managing the kids alongside the added work/travel/phone calls that come with a book launch. and for this i am very grateful. i don't feel, really, that any aspects of my life have fallen off the priority list. i seem to be juggling it well, and i think, alhamdolillah, that i'm making it work.

the one thing i haven't been doing, though, is blogging or journalling about this experience. i know that at some point i will want to read what i was experiencing as my first book came into the world, but although i have started a few drafts on this blog, i haven't posted much.

so i will take this moment to say that i am feeling grateful and supported, excited and thrilled, a little tired, a little wiser. i am proud of the family and friends who are taking this book effort seriously and seeing the real mission at hand- it goes way beyond me and is indeed a message i hope everyone hears. regarding the (very few) negative people, this book is beyond them also.

so. alhamdolillah for my people, for the opportunities, for the lining-up of elements that have led to this book in this moment. i feel happy and i look forward to more books.

It's Real!

2011-04-25T18:01:00.003-05:00

my book just arrived in the mail. i am actually holding it, and finally it seems real.

yayyyy!

i want to go to the bookstore and see it on a shelf. i want to hug everyone.

this is a fun moment :)

American Women on Being Muslim

2011-03-11T12:17:00.005-06:00

I have been writing articles and marketing materials and mini-features and emails about why we thought this book was necessary in the current dialogue. And now that it's time to post it to my own blog, I want to use as few words as possible. I would rather just say that everyone needs to experience this book. Beyond that, I will let the women within it speak for themselves.

small now

2011-02-20T20:04:00.004-06:00

i haven't blogged in a while. i need to do it more often, so here goes!

every now and then i suddenly realize that my tiny children will one day be teenagers, and that, according to everyone who has older children, this will happen "before i know it" and "in the blink of an eye" and "so quickly". and in response to this realization i quickly scoop up the nearest one and plant kisses all over him/her and relish in how easy it is to make them laugh.

i know there are great things to come, inshallah, but i hear older kids don't cuddle freely and smile with their entire bodies and their skin doesn't look luminous even in harsh direct sunlight.

and if you tell them something super cheesy like, "hey, you know what? i loved you before i even met you!" their response is closer to the eye-rolling end of the spectrum than the nod-enthusiastically-and-offer-hugs end of the spectrum.

not that i can blame them. i say some super-cheesy things. and if karma exists, i will be the recipient of much eye-rolling in the years to come.

my mom's letter

2010-11-22T09:22:00.004-06:00

in september 1978, aqa moula (tus) made his first trip to america, and my parents had the enormous barakat of having utaro at their house.

the first american house into which aqa moula (tus) stepped is the house in which i took my own first steps.

when this historic visit took place, my mom wrote a letter to her parents and family in india, telling them in detail how the visit came about, what it was like to have aqa moula (tus) there, what went on, who was there, etc. she read the letter to me last week and it was suspenseful and thrilling and written in such amazing detail that i was riveted. it is such an important letter, in that she has caputured a part of our family's history as well as a significant moment in the history of dawat.

my family- my parents, brother and i - were lucky enough to have two private ziyafats in the period of time that aqa moula (tus) was in the house, and i received qadam bosi at the age of one month. i know that the happiness i have experienced since then is a result of this barakat.

the letter that my mom wrote is a treasure- without it, i would never have known that as aqa moula (tus) took afternoon chai in the backyard of my house, he asked my mother to bring me over to him, and then had my dad take a video of this. i would never know that aqa moula (tus) gave my mom a taweez that he wrote by hand just for me. the visit was marked by one perfect moment after another, and after reliving these moments through my mom's letter, i am so infinitely thankful for the barakat of that visit.

alhamdolillah.

techy

2010-10-27T14:31:00.003-05:00

when yusuf was one, we thought it was adorable that he would hold toys up to his ear and pretend to talk on the phone.

now that he's almost 3, he has taken to carrying around an old cell phone in his jeans pocket and he keeps pulling it out and talking quickly on it and then flipping it closed and smoothly putting it back in his pocket.

and a little while ago he lined up a bunch of his animals and told them to stay still so he could take a video. and then he pretended to be annoyed with the video and press a bunch of buttons, presumably to delete it- since that is usually what i do when i take a video (but in my defense, my subjects do NOT hold as still as yusuf's animals do).

this stage of his life comes with a lot of tantrums, but thankfully they are outnumbered by moments that just crack me up.

Happy 1st Birthday, Nooriya

2010-10-19T07:55:00.002-05:00

Nooriya, you're ONE! a whole year old! it's been a long, slow, fast, wild, hectic, peaceful, calm, chaotic, exciting, frustrating, completely awesome year. here is to about a hundred more!

a year ago today i began the day not knowing that by 5 pm i would have delivered you. you surprised us all, and you are still surprising me every single day.

i cannot believe how high you climb, how curious and relentless you are, and how you already know exactly how to make me laugh. you seem so small compared to your big brother, but you really don't let him push you around. you're just a cool little girl.

you already speak a handful of words and you've been walking for a while, and that's all because you are a total go-getter. i am sure we are in for some interesting exchanges in the future.

at this moment you keep knocking down the recycling bin and i cannot concentrate on what i am writing. i think a video of what you are doing at this precise moment would speak louder than any blog post i type up, so maybe i will end here and just play with you. because now you seem to have climbed halfway up my leg and your nose is running on my pants and one of your ponytails has come out and now you've gone to the table and eaten a cheerio off the floor.

darling, you move fast.

I LOVE YOU. be happy, stay gorgeous, keep on truckin.

waras mubarak, Nooriya!

2010-10-06T12:49:00.005-05:00

Nooriya's 1st waras is this Friday- our tiny newborn is now a rambunctious toddler, and it's been an honor to watch her develop so far.

taher and i talk a lot about our own perspectives when it comes to this relationship between us and Nooriya, and how much we have changed and accomplished over the past year. but really, it's Nooriya who we should applaud- her list of achievements in the last 12 months are endless. she is walking now, and when i think of how vastly different that is from her first month as a tiny, swaddled infant, i realize that she is just amazing.

all babies learn to roll and laugh and walk, and Nooriya is not different in this regard, but to me she is outstanding and unique and the most beautiful girl in the world. amantobillah.

mubarak, baby girl. i love you.

going places

2010-09-16T09:52:00.003-05:00

nooriya started taking steps a couple of weeks ago, but they were not controlled steps- more like, "woah, woah, i'm moving, ahh..." and then she'd fall down. the fact that she was doing this at all at 10.5 months of age was impressive to me, since yusuf was in the "that looks dangerous- i think i'll just stay here, close to the floor" category until just past his first birthday, at which point he decided to risk it and take some steps.

last night, nooriya actually got up and just sauntered across the floor for about 6 steps before my clapping, yelling and hooting scared her and she dropped to a crawl and started crying. sorry, nooriya! moms are excitable.

they have such different styles, these two. yusuf definitely does his share of noisemaking and jumping off of things and running around and around and around the room, but more often than not you will find him sitting with a puzzle or telling you the difference between a bison and a buffalo (something about the horns, i guess), while nooriya goes off to scale a wall or something. she will sit quietly only if the planets align in just the right way. otherwise it's one adventure after another with this girl.

i already know which one of them, in high school, will actually learn physics while the other just memorizes the formulas.

our crazy august

2010-08-09T15:16:00.003-05:00

taher broke his ankle last saturday, and although it's only been 9 days since then, i feel like it's been an eternity. it's been hectic, to say the least. like a headless chicken, i run run run around, trying to meet the needs of nooriya and yusuf and taher. and the house. and somewhere in there i try to remember to eat.

i am just waiting and waiting for taher to be able to walk, so that things can ease up around here a little.

to make things even more interesting, we've had other stuff going on that has taken a lot of our mental energy. and i've been pulled in a few directions as a result.

but all i can say is, alhamdolillah. for so many reasons: the "other stuff" is quickly resolving. i have these family members who really come through when you need them. nooriya was unharmed in the fall. taher gets to be home everyday (working from home isn't ideal for him, but i sure like having him around!). when i think about all that i do have, the extreme fatigue of this past week lifts away a little, and i feel lots and lots of gratitude.

here's to health and happiness and my loved ones, most of all.

nice save

2010-08-01T07:52:00.002-05:00

yesterday we were headed out the door for a wedding- yusuf and i were standing by the door with our shoes on and taher was heading down the stairs towards us, with nooriya in his arms- when he tripped and fell down the stairs.

holding nooriya.

and in order to save her, he fell badly and broke his ankle.

and now he can't walk for ten days, and he has a cast, and things will be difficult for a little while.

but alhamdolillah, he saved nooriya- she is FINE - and this is all going to pass.

taher, nice save. i still have to sign your cast!

a long way from aapo

2010-07-20T18:48:00.004-05:00

these days, yusuf has a vocabulary that constantly surprises me. he knows words that are very difficult to define, and i know he learned them by just absorbing their meaning, but i am still very impressed at the nuances that he understands.

how did he learn words such as "instead" and "already" and "thinking"? i seriously don't get it.

and in the meantime, nooriya over here is crawling (not gracefully, but offically crawling), and as i type this she has made her way into the foyer and is navigating her way directly towards the shoes. i see what's ahead in the coming months - gates that have been open will soon be closed and yusuf will either have to learn to manipulate them open or live in confines he hasn't experienced in over a year - but for now i'm thrilled. she is mobile and curious and brave, and now she is over by the stairs. i guess we'll add "speedy" to that list.

insanity

2010-07-08T10:05:00.003-05:00

yesterday i started a new workout called "insanity"- it's a series of dvd's that you use on a rotating schedule, and on my 2nd day in, i can say that the series is aptly named.

the warm up alone is a great workout. and the stretches before and after the workout are basically a series of yoga poses.

hello, i just worked out and showered and my heart rate still hasn't gone down all the way! it's awesome.

it just feels good to sweat through a workout, really- since nooriya's been born i have been sort of walking/jogging on the treadmill and not feeling like i've done anything, and i've done pilates which is amazing but isn't aerobic. this insanity thing is a whole lot of jumping around and squats and pushups, and by the end i'm satisfyingly wiped out.

anyway it's only day 2. in a few weeks let's see how i feel- my main thing is that i want to have more energy, as well as get back in shape, of course. feels good to just be doing something...

come ON

2010-06-03T21:59:00.003-05:00

read this. it makes me wish i was swedish or french or canadian or lithuanian. or rather, it makes me wish the United States would prioritize my demographic in this respect:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parental_leave

the 39 steps

2010-05-24T08:17:00.007-05:00

for Mother's Day, taher bought us tickets to a broadway show, so that's what we did this past friday night. these days we have a date night regularly, if not frequently. but we haven't gone to the city and seen a show in ages. and doing so on friday recalled, for me, a state of mind that i haven't had in a long time.

it wasn't that we were doing something new- rather, it was that we were doing something old- something that we used to do so often- that i felt like we had gone back in time 3 years.

i felt like a version of myself that i haven't glimpsed in a while, and it was nice.

on another note, as i was driving yusuf to school this morning, one house had a poster with a dated picture of a 2-year-old on it, and it read "happy high school graduation brian! we are proud of you." which made me realize that if their 18 year old was once 2, then my 2 year old will someday be 18. and way taller than me. which i cannot even comprehend at this point.

but it definitely makes me appreciate even more the fact that yusuf loves being cuddled and kissed and tickled. i'm thinking teenagers don't like that quite as much.

i like how you are

2010-05-14T15:38:00.004-05:00

yusuf loves elephants, school buses and nooriya. get on the floor and pretend you are an animal- any animal- and you will make his day. tell him what something is and he will answer, "that's right" and nod like a schoolmarm. catch him doing something he shouldn't be doing and he will give you a smile that is positively studded with mischief, but also so charming that you will choose to ignore the transgression. how did he learn to do that? i mean, seriously. also his new favorite thing is to not only wash his hands and face after a meal, but sneak his plate into the bathroom sink as well and give it a rinse. he thinks he's helping, but yesterday i found a soggy, empty raisin box in the sink.

nooriya loves taking ridiculously short naps, spitting up huge amounts of milk and laughing really loudly for almost any reason. tickle her face, bounce her up and down, bring yusuf into her line of sight, and you will be rewarded with giggles that sound like rainbows and butterflies and other summery, shimmery, yummy things. bring a mirror into her line of sight and she turns the charm on, trying to make friends with that baby in the mirror. man, she likes that baby.

just what i wanted...

2010-05-14T15:31:00.002-05:00

...although it has nothing to do with me.

yusuf and nooriya's surprisingly lovely relationship, that is. sure, yusuf occasionally takes back a toy or a book that he feels nooriya is stealing from him. but even when he does that, he gives her something else to distract her first. which is rather kind and caring, coming from a 2.5-year-old.

when he walks into the room and sees her, he exclaims, "hi nooriya! HI!" and runs towards her. on her end, she lights up, all smiles, legs kicking, trying to aim her rolling in his direction.

when he wakes up from a nap, he wants to see her. her fussing usually stops when he bounds into the room.

i mean, wow. i know they'll have their not-so-lovely moments, but right now i am loving this. a 2 year old boy isn't gentle with anything (many destroyed belongings of yusuf will attest to this), but with nooriya, he knows that he has to be a little more careful.

and my favorite, favorite part- when she is crying, he'll come over and hold her hand. and coo softly. and give her sweet smiles. and my even MORE favorite part? when he does all this, she stops crying.

it's magical. i hope this lasts, in some form, forever.

oh, you guys

2010-03-26T08:10:00.003-05:00

i wish i took the time to blog more these days. sure, my days are often a whirlwind and things won't always be so hectic, so i can easily say i'll blog more later, when my kids are older and i have more breathing room.

but i love blogging because i know that what i write remains here- it's nice to know that now, in 2010, i can go back several years and read about myself during egypt, during the first days of being married, during our honeymoon, during thailand, during hajj, when we first had yusuf, his babyhood, our first year of parenting, etc.

now that nooriya is here, nobody can deny that our lives are busy, but this stage of my life is just as precious and just as BIG as all the stages that have gone before. and i know at some point i will want to read myself, and know myself, during this period of my life.

i used to say that writing was my way of processing my life and figuring out how i felt about something. i would journal and blog and write little notes to myself - constantly. these days i think the notes, i think out what i want to blog, but by the time i get a chance to sit at my laptop and write it all down, i'm done processing, because i've written it in a mental journal instead.

and when i do write it down, it seems unneccesary and redundant, or just stupid. for instance, "mental journal"??

but my friend M recently wrote some great posts on her blog- they were great because they were just what she was thinking, and it was obvious that she just sat and wrote it out, without thinking about it excessively- the result was a few really interesting posts that made me feel like i was talking to her- or listening to her talk. and she reminded me why i have a blog in the first place.

so i know that some loyal friends still check this blog from time to time, even though 99% of the time they see that my most recent post is the same one that has been up for months. i'll try, for their sake and moreover for my own, to blog more often.

now i'm going to hit Publish without reading this over. so who knows what i've just written... thanks for checking in! :)

yusuf

2009-12-30T08:41:00.002-06:00

these days, i watch yusuf and i feel like documenting every little thing he does- he amazes me at times, and i feel that if i don't record every moment, i will, years from now, forget how special this stage is in his life.

i have a feeling that i will say the same thing at every stage of his life, but since i have a moment right now, i want to write down some of this while it's in my head. more for his sake than anyone else's, so bear with me if this bores anyone who isn't as invested in the little guy as i am :)

lately yusuf has been impressing us daily with his knowledge of things that we didn't think he could understand. he is showing us that he can learn things at lightning speed and that he is eager to absorb as much information as we can give him.

i bought him some puzzles a couple of months before nooriya was born- ABC's and 123's and colors- and he would bring each piece to us and ask, "what's this?" we answered him each time he asked, and within days he knew his letters and numbers and colors. i don't know how he learned so much in such a short amount of time, but it taught me something about how much of a sponge he is right now. and how to take better advantage of it.

his imaginary play delights me as well. it's come a long way from pretending to eat from toy bowls and spoons. and his perception constantly surprises me- he picks up on things that i would have thought were too subtle for him to understand. the way i'm holding my phone, he knows if i'm about to make a call or take a picture. and the way he manipulates us with his crying or his smiles is something i cannot even begin to dissect- it's an art form, apparently, and he knows he's good at it.

who knew two-year-olds were so fascinating?

Happy 2nd Birthday, Yusuf!

2009-11-25T10:43:00.002-06:00

today is yusuf's 2nd birthday. i can't believe my baby boy is two years old!

he just got off the phone with his kaka/kaki, and now he's on the phone with his other kaka/kaki and his dada/dadi- and in the background his cousins are singing happy birthday to him :)

i can't believe how much yusuf talks and understands these days- he is becoming a real kid and less of a toddler everyday. he sits in his carseat and points stuff out the window to nooriya, and talks to his little sister as though it's his job to educate her about the world.

i am so proud of my happy little boy. he makes our lives infinitely better and our world infinitely brighter, and i love him more than i can describe.

happy birthday, yusuf!

learning to juggle

2009-11-05T16:24:00.002-06:00

we came home from the hospital 2 weeks ago today, and yesterday was my first day alone at home with both kids. it went smoothly because i figured out a schedule beforehand that would help me juggle yusuf's needs with nooriya's. it also went smoothly because nooriya takes a nice, long nap after each nursing session; this gives me a chance to spend a lot of alone time with yusuf.

since i took over yusuf's daytime schedule again (the past two weeks it's been taher or one of our four parents who have been doing most of yusuf's care, while i concentrated on nooriya and, secondarily, myself). even though today is only the second day that i have been the one to wake yusuf and dress him and do his diapers and his meals, etc etc, i can already see that he's feeling good about it. things are back to normal for him, since mummy is the one who is around all day with him. sure, there's a baby around also, but he's tolerating her presence for now. once she starts touching his toys, this may change.

anyway. right now the baby is sleeping and the toddler is eating raisins. they are making my 2nd solo day manageable, and i am beginning to think i can actually handle this in the long run! check back in a few months to see if i'm still sane :)

thank you, nooriya, for being a calm, content baby. you're awesome. and thank you, yusuf, for being dependable and routine-following. you're awesome as well.

Nooriya

2009-10-26T18:31:00.003-05:00

last monday we welcomed Nooriya into the world. so far, so good- it's nice to be doing this the second time around, and to feel so much more confident about how to care for our newborn. things are just much less drama-filled and we are taking it easy, figuring out nooriya and the way she likes things, and not second-guessing ourselves nearly as much as we did when we first had yusuf.

i guess it's helpful that we have yusuf around as proof that we did a good job the first time around, and can do so again :)

hopefully no colic comes around this time. we are filled with wonder at the way she eats and then sleeps, and only cries for fixable reasons, and seems pretty content most of the time. yusuf is a happy, cheerful toddler, but was a majorly unhappy infant for the first four months of his life.

anyway. family of four. it's amazing :)

21 weeks

2009-07-03T10:26:00.005-05:00

right now, 12 people i know are pregnant. including me! there must be something in the drinking water.

i'm 21 weeks and alhamdolillah, things are going well. although this is our second time around i still don't find myself blase about the experience. pregnancy is such a unique situation, where my body is enacting an enormously significant physical process without any conscious input from me at all. without actually thinking about it, i'm getting something major accomplished.

it's magical and also very, very weird.

anyway, i'm trying to enjoy the journey and not try to fast-forward to the end. i am definitely eager to meet the new baby, but in the meantime i'm just savoring the fact that i only have one child now- a child with a predictable daytime schedule, who reliably sleeps through the night :)

and on another note, happy birthday, taher!!! :)

Inauguration Day

2009-01-20T11:34:00.002-06:00

today barack obama took the oath of office. as aretha franklin sang "my country 'tis of thee", the camera showed obama looking out over the mall. then the camera panned out to show the throngs of people filling the entire space between the capitol and the washington monument- throngs of people who had come there full of hope. considering what obama must have been feeling, looking at the crowd, i felt awed and humbled and scared on his behalf.

he's in. he's the President. and now he has to make good on what he has so eloquently and poetically promised and proclaimed. it's a daunting job, the one he has in front of him.

and alongside the hope emanating from the thousands of people who watched him be inaugurated, i imagine there's also the overwhelmingly simple message: don't let us down.

here we go! there are good things ahead.

happy birthday, yusuf!

2008-11-25T09:41:00.002-06:00

a friend of mine asked me today, "do you remember what you were doing last year at this time?"

oh, yes. i do. and although that day was a magical one and a joyous one, it was also hard and chaotic and confusing. i had been in labor for 24 hours by the time yusuf arrived, and my feelings of awe and happiness were mingled with fatigue and anxiety and pain.

this year, i'm free to just love yusuf without any of the difficult stuff. this is the first birthday of his that i am enjoying completely. and after a year of getting to know him, it's the first birthday that i think i am beginning to actually understand what he adds to our lives.

as his borders widen and he develops preferences and likes and dislikes, as he tests the boundaries of mummy and abba's "No!", as he learns how to get a laugh out of us and how to ask for what he wants, i begin to vaguely glimpse the future.

he's already ONE! but it's just the beginning.

alhamdolillah for last nov 25th, for this one, for the next ones.

this week

2008-11-07T09:34:00.002-06:00

dear yusuf:

this week, your father and i made history. we didn't do it alone - far from it. we did it together - around 63 million of us. we voted for a presidential candidate who looked and acted and spoke and believed differently, and he let us know that he was the right person for the job. and so we voted for him. and our votes were counted. and when he won, we each felt that our voices were heard. it was as much a personal victory as it was a national one.

we were inspired to vote, and we are inspired to win. we celebrate.

you were right there with your father and i when we cast our votes. when we watched the results on tuesday night. and in four years when we cast our votes for him again, you'll be there as well. and maybe you will be as inspired as we are.

after all, this week taught us something perhaps some of us have forgotten. anything is possible, yusuf.

just one word...

2008-11-05T09:01:00.002-06:00

muBARACK!

:)

let's vote

2008-10-17T11:18:00.002-05:00

yesterday, taher and i voted at our City Hall. we found that there was an opportunity to vote early, and so we did. it was especially satisfying to vote the morning after watching the Debates.

truly, this election is historical for all the reasons touted by the media and the bloggers and the analysts. with words like the Environment and the Economy swirling around, this election will be determining the future of the country- the very Fate of the country. with words like Woman and Black and Muslim and Change thrown into the mix, there is no denying that this election is the first of its kind, perhaps in a long time- perhaps ever.

yet for me, this election is historical for yet another reason- maybe the most important reason. the last election saw a lot of apathy on the part of young people. most didn't vote. most didn't watch the debates. most didn't know much about either candidate's platform. this time around, MTV doesn't need to constantly air commercials telling the youth the importance of voting. this time around, people are doing research about the candidates, instead of relying on tidy summaries on easy-to-find websites. this time around, a lack of opinion is hard to find, much less apathy.

this election is restoring the spirit that should infuse every presidential election. youth doesn't just have an interest- the youth is invested. even my 6-year-old niece has an opinion (it's her parents' opinion, true, but it shows what the conversations are in american households this time around.) i hope dearly that this sets the stage for a new attitude on the part of american youth- those who are not 18 will, i hope, be eagerly awaiting their chance to vote four years from now. those who can vote will do so proudly.

i look forward to yusuf growing up wanting to vote, waiting to vote. i voted yesterday and although it's something almost everyone i know can and will do, i am still proud of my contribution. it felt... good.

journey

2008-10-17T11:06:00.004-05:00

watching yusuf learn to be himself, i think about his history- about the people who laid the groundwork for him to be here.

his four grandparents moved here almost four decades ago, leaving one of the world's oldest civilizations to make a home in one of the newest. their lives changed in ways i cannot imagine, and they became used to a completely different existence.

maybe, in our own ways, yusuf and i have been on similar journeys. i have come to inhabit a space called motherhood, which is surprising and foreign and a world apart from where i lived before. yet i've found my place within it, made it my home. yusuf's journey, though, trumps all, i think. every single day, i feel, is a different world from the day before. he has yet to find a stopping point where he can just be. rather things are always moving and changing around him, and when he finally gets his bearings, things change again.

yet he seems to be taking it all in stride. yes, there are new things to explore. new words to learn. toys and people and books and field trips and lights and music and errands and food- so much newness that it's clear he is programmed to handle it better than any habit-bound adult ever could.

he inspires me not to rest on the achievements i already attribute to myself, not to congratulate myself too heartily for the difficult things that i accomplish. yusuf accomplishes something every single day, and, determined and curious, he moves ever forward.

just another day

2008-08-24T11:28:00.003-05:00

my birthday just passed, and it was one of the best ones yet. i spent a lot of time taking stock of what i've accomplished and i'm happy to be where i am. and that's a great feeling.

every year on my birthday, taher asks me what my favorite moment was since my previous birthday. most years, the answer is obvious, and this year was no different. i, along with my very best friend, brought a baby into the world of whom i am immensely proud and with whom i am completely enamored.

not bad.

this year we celebrated my birthday over the course of a few days, at various moments and in various ways. i spent my birthday and the days following it with a lot of different people, and realized i know precisely what it is i want, how to get it, and with whom i want to share it. sometimes life is noisy and i am learning to discern the peace amidst the chaos. i know how i want to feel and who makes me feel that way. i know who will be there for me, who will support me, who will make me feel most like myself. and i think that's very valuable information to have.

pure

2008-07-18T16:04:00.003-05:00

today, as yusuf napped, i sat in the huge armchair in my library, reading. and suddenly, out of nowhere, it started to pour. i looked out the window and saw the best kind of rainfall- the sun was shining so brightly that the rain seemed completely out of place, even as it took over the scene. the rain was clear and sparkling and soundless.

i forgot for a moment what day it was, what month it was, even what season it was. it didn't feel like july, like summer. it just felt like a clean, pure rainy day.

and then yusuf woke up from his nap and the rain seemed to magically be linked to him, for it stopped as soon as he cried. and as i climbed the stairs to get him, everything indoors and out seemed renewed and fresh and bright.

it doesn't happen everyday, but sometimes i feel completely in tune with things that i am only a tiny part of, and it's wonderful.

home again

2008-06-22T10:46:00.003-05:00

we just returned from our trip to quebec and maine. quebec was lovely, but rainy- we stayed in a castle that is one of the city's landmarks, walked around on cobblestone streets, took lots of pictures of yusuf in front of Mother Nature. taher was honored at an actuarial conference (he's passed all 9 and is the actuarial-equivalent of a Rock Star), which is the reason we were in quebec.

from there we had a scenic drive to portland, maine, where we stayed in a little hotel right on the beach, tried some lobster (ICK!), watched yusuf bat his eyelashes at all the ladies, saw the new adam sandler movie at a drive-in movie theater. it was a nice little beachy vacation.

they had a book warehouse, too, where i bought a bunch of novels for only four bucks each! i need one of those in elmhurst.

this trip was wonderful in that we had an entire week to just be together, the three of us- we got to just play with yusuf and not feel any time restraints. we learned how much yusuf really knows about what is going on, even though he doesn't yet have the language to express what he knows. i see him becoming more and more of a little person who aims to make his desires known.

it was a good trip. the first of many family vacations, inshallah.

swimmer

2008-06-08T21:01:00.004-05:00

today we took yusuf to the pool for the first time. granted, we were only in the pool for about 5 minutes and we only got him wet up to his shoulders, but we were extremely excited about it. another milestone, another event we got to experience.

as i slathered him in baby sunblock for his 5 minutes poolside, i thought about the cold winter weather we were having when he was born. i thought the summer would never, ever, ever come, and that taking him swimming was a far away dream.

it's the small things that make us so happy these days. yusuf can charm us with the tiniest gesture, and it's a power he doesn't (yet) know he has.

call for stories

2008-05-02T18:11:00.003-05:00

from my friend and fellow blogger, a call for stories. details are as follows:

CALL FOR STORIES

Announcing a call for non-fiction, personal stories by American Muslim women on courtship and/or dating to be published in an anthology.We are looking for talented writers to pitch well-written, surprising and compelling anecdotes for a book on loving and looking for love while Muslim.

WHY A BOOK ABOUT COURTSHIP/DATING?

There is a stereotype about Muslim women out there that does not show them as the thinking, feeling, lively people with loving hearts and independent minds that we know them to be. Partially, this is because there just aren't enough real-life stories about Muslim women being told by Muslim women themselves. The purpose of this collection is to take control of our narrative by telling our own stories, emphasizing the humanity we all share and celebrating the quirks that make us unique. We hope to do that through stories about courtship/dating, as these rituals exist in every societal context as the search for a partner is universal. We're excited at the prospect of amplifying the voices of American Muslim women. If you think such perspectives need to be heard too, we invite you to contribute your story!

DETAILS

Stories must be auto-biographical and written by American Muslim women, either born in and/or predominantly raised in the United States . We are looking for contributors who identify as American and as Muslim, whether by birth or conversion, and who reflect a broad range of religious perspectives, from orthodox to cultural to secular.Write about a transformative episode that defined your courtship/dating experience. Think about the epiphany, the crystallizing moment: At what point in your life did your religious identity play a role in your search for a partner? Did other factors, such as ethnicity, race, class, etc. merge or collide with your religious identity?
We want real-life stories rich with details so they read like fiction. We want more story-telling and less essay-like commentary.
Diversity: Contributions are welcome from Muslim women of all racial and ethnic backgrounds, born and convert Muslims, Sunnis/Shiites, disabled, single, engaged, married, divorced, or widowed.

In order for your story to be considered, please send us the following information by as soon as possible. All responses will be treated as confidential. *Your full name*Age*Your geographic location*E-mail address or phone number*Ethnic/racial background*Sect*Whether Muslim by birth or conversion*Your story, ranging between 1,500 and 4,000 words.
Stories will be selected based on their literary merit. You already know what makes good writing: humor, drama, irony, triumph, and focus. Bring your anecdote to life with vivid characterization, geographical/time placement, dialog, plot, and surprising real-life details. Draw us into your personal story!

Contact us: Please send your story and all other inquiries to: relationship.anthology@gmail.com Notification: Final stories are due May 23, 2008. [Given the close deadline, we can work with you on an extension - please contact us!]

All submissions may not be accepted, but every submission will be considered.

movement

2008-04-16T20:36:00.003-05:00

lately yusuf has learned to roll - he only does one roll at a time now, but i can see how very quickly this will change, and he will be that most exciting of things: mobile!

as he gets older, time is moving more quickly. i can imagine him doing things that i couldn't fathom when he was a newborn. while being home with him is certainly hard work at times, i find myself being rewarded in lovely ways. he smiles for people, of course, but the smiles i get are more frequent, brighter and more joyous than anyone else sees. this is how he pays me for my time, and i am extremely thankful for it.

his milestones seem so momentous to me, and each day seems like such a large amount of time. the day he walks off to school seems like another lifetime, and i find myself wondering how so much can change and so much time can go by, for such a miracle to occur. yet i know that years are mere pinpoints and that this special time with my son, these days i take for granted in which to play with him, cuddle him, scramble for a moment to myself here and there- these days will one day be memories only.

funny

2008-04-07T20:06:00.000-05:00

this made me laugh.

http://aware.easilyamused.org/

how far away

2008-03-23T14:37:00.004-05:00

"i am still enchanted
by the light you brought to me.
i listen through your ears
and through your eyes i can see..."

when you first fall in love, every song takes on new meaning. i've been experiencing that since yusuf came along and put taher and i under his spell. the above lyric just seems to be exactly what goes on these days- yusuf staring at the world around him with such intensity and such curiousity that i imagine his brain must be experiencing sensory overload.

it must be hard work, being a baby. he can't take anything for granted and can't look at anything without trillions of connections being made in his brain. sometimes i'm not surprised he just wants to sleep. or cry :)

the other day, as i drove into the city, i could see the chicago skyline before me, and it made me think of a sight that once was familiar to me. when i lived in cairo, on a clear day you could see the outlines of the two larger pyramids on the horizon. they were a 30 minute drive away and yet the two perfect triangles seemed so tangible and so stark. i grew to think of this sight at the "Cairo skyline", and i would remember fondly the chicago one.

the other day, then, seeing the chicago skyline, i was reminded how very much i considered cairo my second home. i had traveled far from everything familiar and found myself feeling very settled, very much a part of my surroundings. i glanced in the backseat at yusuf and wondered, one day, where will he go? what will he see? these days he is with me 24 hours a day, and if i am gone for a few hours, he is with taher. but one day he might travel far from us and become a part of a world i will only visit. he may make a second home in a city that i cannot begin to understand.

it's so strange that although right now he doesn't do anything with my knowing about it, the potential is already within him for an entire life. i wonder what he will do with it and i hope that no matter how far he travels, he will still look at his family and think, as i do, that there is home.

morning person

2008-02-15T09:57:00.003-06:00

yusuf's colic can be challenging at times, but lately, as his personality emerges, my days are becoming more and more rewarding. he is such a morning person, giving me these immense smiles and batting his mile-long eyelashes.

i know now that he recognizes me, and that my presence can calm him down. it's a good feeling, having this little cute-ball's love.

time supposedly flies

2008-02-01T10:35:00.000-06:00

yusuf turned 2 months old a few days ago, and while everyone says that children grow up quickly, i feel like time has gone by very slowly. the reason for this is that i am always looking forward to the next stage and wanting to see yusuf begin to laugh and clap and crawl and talk and read and discuss and drive and... you get the idea :)

at the same time, i am enjoying his baby-ness and how small he is, and how cuddly, and how cute. he makes faces that make taher and i want to just gobble him up. i can see that the day will come when he won't fit into my arms anymore. although inconceivable to me, he will one day grow taller than me. it's so strange, i want him to remain a cuddly baby forever, but i also want to see him grow up.

there is no turning back from this avalance of contradictory, overwhelming and totally new emotions i have been experiencing since entering the motherhood club. and i wouldn't change a thing.

order

2008-01-15T14:18:00.000-06:00

yusuf just turned 7 weeks old and i feel like my life is finally beginning to return to normal. somewhat. of course, "normal" now means something completely different, in that having a baby has drastically changed our lives and our concept of routine.

for the first few weeks of the baby's life, his schedule - or lack thereof - completely ruled my life. it had to be that way, since i have never been a mother before, and i needed time to adjust, during which my only concern was to take care of the baby. the past two weeks, however, i have begun to understand how to fit other things into my life and how i can accomplish more in a day than simply eating and feeding yusuf.

i look forward to what is ahead, and i remind myself every day to enjoy myself. it hasn't been easy, but it has been joyful. taher and i linger over yusuf's bathtime and sing to him; we exclaim over how long his eyelashes have suddenly become; we work as a team and find that we excel at it. there are many things for which i am thankful, and my family, especially its newest member, tops that list.

the lost weekend

2008-01-01T12:51:00.000-06:00

since yusuf was born, taher and i have been staying with my parents. it was a tremendous support to be there during the initial month after his birth, and to be surrounded by extra love and guidance while we became adjusted to our new roles in life.

on friday, we moved home and looked forward to taher having a four-day weekend, during which we thought we could figure out our routine with yusuf at home. we have certainly accomplished that, but what's more we have had one of the most pleasant weekends i have ever experienced.

we have camped out on the couch since saturday, watching the entire first season of Lost and taking care of the baby. it's been lazy and luxurious and entirely relaxed, and i am very sad that taher has to return to work tomorrow and that this lovely four day hiatus must come to an end. as for yusuf, i don't think he followed the Lost plot too well, but i can tell he's sad his dad has to return to work, too.

i have the absolute most fun when i hang out with taher; it's always been a complete unit for me. and now it's even more complete, if that's even possible. into this little family we merrily welcome yusuf.

due date

2007-12-09T19:54:00.001-06:00

two weeks ago, taher and i welcomed yusuf into our lives. and hearts. and arms.

life has, of course, changed drastically and this tiny little person has relegated me to a life of feedings, diapers, very small clothing and endless conversations about poop. and i completely love him for it.

i keep looking at him and thinking, wow, it was you who was inside my tummy all that time. growing bigger, kicking me, being the subject of our musings and our anticipation. we waited all this time for someone we couldn't even begin to imagine, and all that time it was you.

i am amazed that he is finally here. it's been hard work thus far, and i'm sure it will continue to be hard, but it is, at the risk of sounding cliche, the most rewarding thing ever.

a blog hijacking for a good cause

2007-11-26T17:42:00.000-06:00

Hello! I am Z's big brother A and I would like to share the happy news that yesterday, Z and T became proud parents of a healthy baby boy. Open thread for mubarakbadi!

36 weeks

2007-11-12T12:47:00.000-06:00

in a matter of weeks, everything will change drastically and i find myself wavering between a semblance of preparedness and a panic attack.

of course, i'm not worried about how i'll feel once i see this baby's face and hold it for the first time. once that happens, i fully expect biology and instinct and love to take over and i'll welcome the chaotic rollercoaster to whisk us away as we become parents. but having never been there or done that, all i can do is anticipate at this point...

as i contemplate our last few weeks of being alone together, with our relatively carefree existence intact, i cannot believe months and months and months have gone by. and that somehow i have managed to create a fully formed human being inside my body from nothing but pure potential. and that now it's almost ready for the world! it's fascinating. and it motivates me to take not only fantastic care of the brand new human, but better care of myself as well. this magical machine that can somehow manufacture newborns deserves a better regimen of diet and exercise, and with all the changes that are soon to come about, i think i'll add this to the list.

anyway. the next time i blog, i suspect it'll be from the flip side of this experience. stay tuned...

the world of women

2007-11-06T16:03:00.001-06:00

this past year, several of my friends have become pregnant or had babies. it's been a very festive atmosphere, at least in my opinion, as i have watched my friends' tummies - and mine! - grow larger and adorable, tiny babies appear out of nowhere.

with each baby, we have had a baby shower and a mithi sitabi to celebrate the coming child. we have shown up bearing gifts and well wishes and have worked together to make sure each individual knew that we were happy for her.

the guys, of course, have felt happy for each other as well, but this past sunday, as i attended another baby shower and played familiar baby shower games and watched a close friend open presents that we had piled around her, i felt very lucky to be one of this tribe of women. we have set in place certain traditions that actually formalize how genuinely joyful we feel for each other, whether we are mothers already or soon-to-be.

i'm not laughing

2007-10-08T08:34:00.000-05:00

check out this post:

http://cityofbrass.blogspot.com/2007/10/9-11-made-us-stupid.html

the video only features a few different people, and they aren't exactly a cross-section of the US population, but i couldn't help but be disturbed anyway.

31 weeks

2007-10-05T18:55:00.001-05:00

it's been a while since i've blogged, and now, well into my third trimester, the end is in sight. i will miss being pregnant, i know that already, but there are certainly aspects of this trimester that make my days all about pregnancy, and i am ready to move beyond that.

certainly, the baby's constant kicking is still one of the most magical things i've ever experienced. yet my very swollen fingers, my constant backache and my perpetual shortness of breath are things to which i will bid a gleeful goodbye once this baby is here...

becoming home

2007-08-26T10:48:00.000-05:00

it's been two weeks since we moved to the new place, and i still find everything to feel very new. i'm definitely establishing a routine in this house, but i haven't yet gotten to the point where i take it for granted. i still notice the flow from one room to another; i still think about where things should go and how each room looks. however i think this transitional stage is a really nice one, in which taher and i appreciate the space so much more than we ever will again. and pretty soon we'll just take it for granted that this is our home, and stop noticing it.

in the meantime, the people we know are definitely helping us make this place a home. taher threw me a surprise bday party last night, and put a lot of work into making everything go perfectly. and having our friends and family sitting on every surface and in every corner, having familiar faces fill all the spaces of this house at one time, was a wonderful feeling.

i know why they call them housewarming parties now. certainly, the house took on a new level of home to me, having people fill it like that. the very day we moved in, we had friends over, and even that night i felt like this could be home much more quickly if people kept filling it like this. last night was an extension of that feeling.

thanks, everyone, for coming over. thanks, taher, for pretty much everything :) and hey, everyone, drop in anytime!

good day

2007-08-21T09:53:00.000-05:00

i don't have much to post about today, but i will for the sake of seeing "August 21, 2007" etched in the header for posterity.

i feel like this year has brought about so much change, but when i think about it, there have been others like it- in 2004 i went from being unmarried and living in mount prospect to being married and living in bangkok, thailand. that would count as a big change. but this year, for some reason, i feel that taher and i have had our lives switch into a totally different mode.

a mode i'm liking more and more as we settle into our house. and as the baby's kicks become strong enough to actually interrupt our conversations, the reality of a newborn coming into our lives becomes a reality i am getting more and more excited for, also.

good birthday so far.

halfway there but already home

2007-08-08T09:46:00.001-05:00

two weeks ago, taher and i closed on our new home. since the moment we put those keys on our keyrings, we've both been incredibly excited about this step we've taken. we've had countless conversations about paint colors and bookshelves and decor. these past few months have certainly been a time of change in our lives.

this last week, as moving day draws closer, we've begun packing. you don't realize just how much stuff you have until you begin to pack it into boxes. it's been overwhelming and i shudder to think of ever moving again.

today, there are only three days left before we move out of the city and into our lovely chosen suburb of choice. and it strikes me that in all the flurry of moving and the excitement of having an entire home to furnish our way, i've forgotten that i'm leaving the city! perhaps forever? obviously i'll find myself downtown to visit, hopefully often. but i won't live here anymore.

the city has been a backdrop to many of my favorite memories. i'm not worried; i know there are infinite memories still waiting to be created as we settle into our new home. but it still feels very strange to leave...

drive me around

2007-07-20T14:58:00.001-05:00

i'm writing an article for which i needed to take a double-decker bus tour of Chicago (and review the experience.) while the 13 stops on the tour are all places i have visited multiple times, it was still very nice sitting on the second tier of the bus and listening to the guide narrate stories and facts about each building we passed.

usually when we drive through the city, we are headed somewhere and i rarely find myself looking up at the tops of the buildings anymore. every now and then, taher and i take a drive for the heck of it, but it's usually along lake shore drive. this tour was through the entire downtown area; we went as far north as water tower and as far south as museum campus. and everywhere in between.

i found myself re-inspired by the city. there is certainly a rich history to chicago; writing articles about the origins of various neighborhoods has given me a much broader knowledge of this history. but taking the tour i realized, again, what a unique set of circumstances have led to what chicago is today.

a huge part of this history is the Great Chicago Fire. the fire affected the city's politics, its economy, its culture and its architecture. it gave us this immense lakefront that belongs to everyone in the city and can never, ever be appropriated for just a few people's use.

anyway. tomorrow i take one more tour- the architectural cruise on the chicago river - and i am looking forward to it very much. this article has been fun to write.

19.5 weeks

2007-07-19T15:53:00.001-05:00

"i am still enchanted
by the light you brought to me..
i listen through your ears
and through your eyes i can see..."

i felt the baby move for the first time this week! i've been waiting impatiently for these first flutters, and i am now waiting impatiently for stronger kicks. but for the time being, it's definitely a cool bonding feeling to have these intermittent rumblings.

questions, questions

2007-07-11T13:25:00.000-05:00

i feel like i should have little cards made up, saying:

"4.5 months... no, we're not finding out... feeling great, thank you!"

people's questions may be redundant but they're heartwarming as well.

14.5 weeks

2007-06-14T16:31:00.000-05:00

it's so amazing- and surreal- to think that this baby hasn't yet made an appearance in the world, and yet he/she already has a personality, a disposition, a complexion, a unique brand of humor, a unique set of talents. even more fundamental, it already has a gender. so much about this child is already determined that more and more, i find myself really eager to meet him/her.

13 weeks

2007-06-04T10:26:00.000-05:00

i haven't blogged or journalled at all in the last two months, due to my low energy level. lately, though, i find myself thinking and writing a lot about my priorities and about where i want to direct my energy.

one of these priorities is my health; having taken it for granted all my life, i am beginning to think this is not the best way to go about things. i will never forget the first time taher and i saw the baby in an ultrasound; the first time we heard the heartbeat. seeing someone nestled in there, with a working heart, with organs in the midst of being created. my body has been working harder than ever before, creating this tiny human, and i know now what a toll this can take upon me. while in some ways i am simply a bystander to the awe-inspiring process of creation going on inside my body, i realize there are things i can do to make my body healthier. both during and after this pregnancy, and before my next one.

incubative state

2007-05-31T09:38:00.001-05:00

several weeks ago, taher and i found out that we're going to have a baby. the initial excitement and anticipation i felt soon gave way, however, to sickness and fatigue. for two months, i experienced what many women experience in their first trimester and i learned not to take my health and energy so much for granted. being tired and nauseous every day for two months was upsetting and difficult, and made it difficult to enjoy the knowledge that i was pregnant.

thankfully, things change. as my second trimester begins, i have found my energy returning. i feel better than i have in weeks, and i have a newfound excitement about beginning to look pregnant and the prospect of getting even bigger!

the brand new cutie

2007-05-02T16:03:00.000-05:00

my brother's brand new daughter was born a few weeks ago; we flew to houston last week to see her. as faiji, i performed the chatthi and was amazed once again how even the fussiest newborn instantly quiets down and listens intently when the duas are prayed in their ear.

my new niece, alefiyah, did just this. she's tiny and i was leaning over her to pray in her ears, and it couldn't have been comfortable for her. it was warm in that room and there was a lot of activity; when i changed her clothes and put her bangles on she was fussy. yet as soon as that part was over and i started the duas, she was clearly interested, and i find this fascinating in a child of 6 days. how do they know that now, if ever, they should listen?

it's amazing.

pictures to follow!

pearls before breakfast

2007-04-28T14:07:00.000-05:00

check out this article with accompanying video:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/04/AR2007040401721.html

it's an interesting experiment that made me really think about how much we are able to appreciate beauty when we are not actively seeking it out.

interfaith conference

2007-04-09T11:22:00.000-05:00

this seems interesting, check it out:

http://www.ifyc.org/conference/index.html

Greg Mortenson

2007-03-26T10:55:00.000-05:00

Central Asia Institute is an NPO that supports community-based education programs in the remote rural regions of Pakistan and Afghanistan. There are over 145 million illiterate children in the world, and CAI is committed to the UN mandate to achieve universal literacy by the year 2015. For 14 years Greg Mortenson has seen the transformative power of education which reduces infant mortality, diminishes the population explosion and dramatically improves the sanitation and health of the rural communities.

CAI is honoring Greg on April 21st with a fundraising dinner. Funds will go directly to Greg's cause. This man has dedicated his life to helping children from the poorest regions of Pakistan; he's already built 58 schools through his entirely grassroots organization.

It is inspiring what one man can do; when hundreds of people assemble themselves behind him, I can only imagine what is possible.

Check out http://ikat.org/ for more information.

brainy day

2007-03-26T10:22:00.000-05:00

yesterday, sunday, was a day of discussion.

we had a talebaat event at 11 am; it was one of our Women in Islam series. a panel discussion about the balance of family and career, as well as other relevant issues. the discussion went very well and it was pretty lively; i was very happy with the way things turned out.

i am happy with the direction in which talebaat is moving lately; we are banding more tightly together and with a more specific focus, and i find that talebaat has a character/flavor of its own. we are using the organization to help our jamaat, and at the same time learn more about one another and grow as young american bohra women. i feel inspired by the things we've accomplished through this org, and by the potential for accomplishing even more.

after the event was over, i went to an AMWA meeting. this stands for american muslim women activists, an org i have gotten to know since i contacted one of them about the book i am working on with maria. i went to my first meeting yesterday and i found a group of diverse, strong women who epitomize the way one can be empowered and religious and traditional and bold, all at the same time.

AMWA has many causes, one of which i will elaborate upon in my next post.

i got home feeling mentally exhausted from all the talking that had gone on all day! at that point h, s and baby r came over and we went and got some dinner and then some ice cream and the day ended on a very relaxing note.

ice cream has that power :)

TMLMTBGB

2007-03-26T09:09:00.000-05:00

on saturday night we went to Too Much Light for the first time in a long time. it was one of those flawless evenings that seem to go right from beginning to end.

taher and i were joined by two good friends, m and m- we went to a diner first and had a fun dinner. ate slowly, laughed a lot, ate off of each others' plates, played dominoes once the plates were cleared.

after this we made our way to the show and got in line at the perfect time; found a good parking spot; made our way to the front of the crowd; got excellent seats; laughed uproariously at almost every play. it was great fun.

i felt nostalgic for college when we were standing in line; i remember standing in that line with my college friends and i think i will forever associate this show with that group of people. and yet on saturday night the company i held made the evening quite lovely and i love it when that happens.

neat link

2007-03-22T10:14:00.000-05:00

check this out! i have done it four times already, choosing different options each time. it's fun:

http://dna.imagini.net/friends/

(thanks to baraka for this link! i can always count on your blog for interesting links.)

they don't make 'em like they used to: a tribute

2007-03-22T09:44:00.000-05:00

the summer before i began junior high, i went out with my mom to buy my first alarm clock. it seemed so exciting that i would need an alarm clock from this point forward. it made me feel very adult, having a "busy" schedule and being responsible for getting myself to the bus.

after some searching, we found the perfect alarm clock. a little red digital by conair with a snooze button on the top. this snooze button would become as familiar to me as my own hand over the years...

we brought it home and i put two Little Mermaid stickers on it and plugged it in. i loved it. it served me faithfullly throughout junior high and then did not break down as most alarm clocks do. so i kept using it through high school; it still performed well and showed no signs of breaking down.

when i left for college, the little red alarm clock was with me. the Little Mermaid stickers were fading a little but still firmly stuck in place. the alarm clock saw me through four different apartments in college and faithfully made the trip back home with me every summer. it never failed.

i tend to set the alarm for an hour before i need to be up, and then i press the snooze button five times before surrendering sleep. i have dropped the alarm clock on the floor on more than one occasion; senior year i actually duct-taped the alarm clock to the foot of my bed, since i didn't have a nightstand! when we moved out of that apartment i ripped the clock off the bed and ripped the duct-tape off the clock, and still the Little Mermaid stickers held on firmly.

i moved off to egypt, moved back, set the alarm clock to wake me for graduate school, for this job or that job. the morning of my wedding, it was this red alarm clock that woke me and helped me begin that amazing day. we moved home from thailand and this alarm clock helped me usher in my first morning in our new apartment.

every morning, every single morning, for the last seventeen years, the alarm clock has faithfully beeped and snoozed and beeped and snoozed. this morning, suddenly, the 17-year-run was over. it didn't go off, and when i looked at it, it was dark. i was able to bring it back to life for a second but it elapsed back into darkness within a few seconds.

this little red alarm clock; i have taken it for granted for 17 years, and now it won't be at my side every night and every morning. it's a strange thought.

happy anniversary

2007-03-21T09:04:00.000-05:00

five years ago today, taher and i exchanged three little words. three years ago yesterday, we got married.

at times i feel startled that time has flown so quickly. other times, i think about how much we've both grown and think such changes could only have taken place over a long period of time...

it's nice to take stock and realize that we have been paying attention to what the other says, and what we have to show for it is a relationship that is exponentially better than what it was in the beginning. and don't get me wrong; in the beginning i thought it was pretty nice already.

before we got married, i thought that the only thing we would have to master would be the art of compromise. turns out it's more like the art of communication-balancing priorities-mind reading-being patient-letting loose-genuinely listening-fighting nicely-etc. in the midst of learning all of this, i find myself very, very happy.

so taher, happy anniversary :)

around the world

2007-03-13T09:46:00.000-05:00

this is a map showing countries i have visited in red. i have traveled to 33 countries, but on this map that doesn't look like much. there is so much more to see!

gem

2007-03-07T10:40:00.000-06:00

a poem by su'ad abdul-khabeer. i couldn't find any way to contact her to let her know how much i loved this poem.

some of my sisters
are in combat
with ideas newly born and words older than the world;
yet, to cover or not to cover
Is not my battleground.

Because
among His signs is
watching your sista
hi-jab
the painstakingly smooth way
she pins, wraps, folds, tucks
her crown into place.
Because I wear it well,
this divine design.
whether wrapped high
or draped low and wide,
what better garment
for a Queen
than her crown?
And a beautiful person is a Godly thing.

To cover or not to cover
Is not my battleground.

They’d like to paint me
unseen
with a veil gagging my intellect,
while in truth the whole world is clocking
this invisible woman.

Young men in fitted caps
whisper
“Damn”
deep in sly glances,
Others offer courtesies in appreciation.
Women honor us openly or
with their arrogance,
And the press
can’t get enough of us.
See, clothes do not hide the woman
They announce her.

To cover or not to cover
Is not my battleground.

...And which of the favors of your lord will ye deny?
Not a one.
I am the world’s most visible creature
And His most beautiful.

grace period

2007-03-02T14:26:00.001-06:00

as we begin to get more contributors for our book, i find my thoughts turning to my own essay; what will i write? i feel, as i have mentioned before, a sense of responsibility towards the hajj i have recently performed. we are taught that after completing hajj, we are given a 70-day period in which none of our deeds are written. we have blank slates after the day of Arafa and that blank slate remains for 70 days.

i knew that i would use those 70 days to form new habits. to figure out my ideal and work with dedication to reach it.

the grace period ends in seven days. 63 days ago, i stood before khuda t'aalah and i prayed and asked and vowed. i walked out of arafa and i felt genuine renewal. and now i feel like my entire life has changed.

i doubt anyone would detect a difference; only the ones who are closest to me even know what i learned about myself during hajj. but i know that nothing is the same, and i want to write about this in my essay for the book.

it is the only thing on my mind and yet it is so abstract and so intangible that i don't know if i can put it into words.

beneath the surface

2007-03-01T11:52:00.000-06:00

on tuesday i had both an x-ray and an MRI performed on my ankle; i sprained it badly about two months ago when we were on hajj, and i finally had it checked out last week.

lying there with my foot in the MRI machine, i had 45 minutes during which i had to keep my leg perfectly still and just wait for the imaging to be over. i began thinking about how amazing tools such as MRI's and x-rays and ultrasounds and CT scans really are. something is wrong with my ankle and like magic we can see beneath the surface and find the problem. we peel away the disguise of skin and see the hidden.

isn't it amazing?

hotmail revisited

2007-02-22T10:43:00.000-06:00

recently i switched email addresses, and in the last few days i have been going through my old account and reading old emails. the ones i really loved i have saved on my hard drive.

reading these old emails was a lovely experience- i normally only save the ones that mean something to me, and thus going through the folders i found one letter after another that made me realize, again, that i have some really wonderful people in my life. i had this previous email account for ten years and thus with certain people i could actually see an evolution in our relationship. i saw the difference between the first emails that flew between us and compared them to the ones that were just sent last week. i found a growing familiarity; it felt great to have proof that that does happen.

i found songs that taher had written for me. i found conversations that dipped deep and skimmed shallow. quick one-liners from various roommates. declarations of feelings. baby announcements.

i found an email from the day saifuddin first said "mama" to farida. that is an awesome email. i found emails from meryam and angie right after my wedding and the words they used brought me real, unadulterated joy. i found emails from my dad and my brother and my aunt telling me to keep writing about my experiences in egypt; in their own ways, they told me they loved to read what i wrote. what better motivation is there than knowing your family is proud of you?

i was in cairo when 9/11 happened and i received outpourings of concern from friends and family. was i okay? was i affected? what was going on where i was? i was in thailand when the tsunami hit and i received more outpourings of concern from friends and family. ok? affected? what was going on? i kept these emails; they are a reminder of how genuinely people reach out towards one another.

i learn yet again: i have what i need.

call for essays

2007-02-13T18:20:00.000-06:00

A friend and i are putting together a collection of essays by Muslim American women to be published in a book. Each essay must be written by a practicing Muslim American woman, either born and/or predominantly raised in the U.S. We are looking for contributors between the ages of 22 and 35 who are born into a Muslim family and claim Islam as their faith.

Please write articulately about a personal aspect of your life with regards to being a Muslim American woman. The essay should express in some way how your Muslim-ness and American-ness affect your life. This need not be overt but the essay should come from that perspective.

Essays should be no longer than 1000 words and will be edited for clarity. All submissions may not be accepted, but every submission will be considered. Please include name, age, birthplace, sect of Islam, profession/field, and anything else about yourself that might be useful for us to know (short bios are fine).

This is a project that, Inshallah, will appear across a variety of platforms, both national and international.

Please send all entries via email to: muslimabook@gmail.com

part of the solution

2007-02-05T09:57:00.000-06:00

we saw "an inconvenient truth" the other night. after watching it, i cannot get some of the images out of my head. i fully realize how much i am part of the problem, and i want to make some concrete changes to turn that around.

at the end of the movie they give you a website to check out, www.climatecrisis.org. i took a look at it and found a lot of small changes i can make that will allow me to tread more lightly on the earth.

apart from the Ten Things To Do list they have on the site, there are several tips for making your home more energy efficient and ways of getting involved in the fight against global warming. there are several links and directions regarding how to get involved on a local, national or international level.

check it out. watch the dvd. get scared and then get involved.

ashara

2007-01-29T09:44:00.000-06:00

read this article; i have never heard of a public display on ashara before. i found this very interesting and very heartening as well. it's amazing that ashara can be expressed outside the walls of our masjids and brought into public view.

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/01/28/SUNNI.TMP

four years old

2007-01-27T11:01:00.000-06:00

four years ago, in january of 2003, i began this blog. i still love to go back to those first few posts and see what i had in mind for l'atitude.

see how it all began at

http://latitude.blogspot.com/2003_01_01_latitude_archive.html

try this

2007-01-23T09:29:00.000-06:00

take this quiz. and then actually spend some time thinking about the results.

my score was 14, which is good compared to the average american's 24, but we would still need 3.2 earths if everyone lived like me. ugh. what is your score?

http://www.myfootprint.org/

being back

2007-01-15T12:49:00.000-06:00

it is monday, the start of a new work week, and i have begun to tackle some of the work that has been put off for a month. doing my work makes me feel re-settled into life in chicago. i am back to my old routine, and there is a certain security in that.

before i left for hajj, i expected the experience to change me. in this, i was not disappointed. i feel a responsibility to the hajj i have just performed; i made certain niyats while i was in mecca that i intend to keep.

i'm happy to be back home, but i feel at this moment that a part of me is still rooted in the experience i have just had. or, alternatively, that i have brought the experience back with me. something about the last month feels very tangible to me, and i am able to keep it close. i hope this feeling remains. it is giving me a lightness and a resolve that has so far colored everything i've done since returning to chicago. inshallah it continues to do so.

haj e akbari

2007-01-14T14:42:00.000-06:00

on 8th raat (of zilhaj), we took ehram. went to kaba, did our tawaf, and afterwards alifiyah and i rode up the escalator to the very top to baitullah. looked down upon kaba and were mesmorized by the view. being in the crowd doing tawaf, i had wanted space from the thousands of people pressed up against me. but here, up above it all, i suddenly felt proud to be part of the dense mass of people moving in a slow circle around kaba. it is a miraculous testament to faith, this sea of people moving endlessly in reverent circles.

the next morning we left for mina; we were part of a mass migration, millions of people riding buses, luggage racks, luxury cars. all headed in the same direction: mina, the tent city. to say that there are white tents as far as the eye can see is a major understatement. it is breathtaking, the tents stretching out in front of you in every direction.

we were settled into our tent and told to rest; the next day, arafa nu din, would be one of the most important of our lives.

arafa nu din was on a friday this year, marking this hajj as "akbari", or great. this was a day of crowds and sunlight and dust and heat; of people closing in around me as i trekked forward to arafa. on the way i coughed incessantly, i sliced my finger open, i limped. i listened to people's complaints mingling with their duas. on the road to arafa, i was firmly rooted to earth. i had to get somewhere and i was doing my best to get there. yet standing at arafa, hearing aqa moula's relay telling me that apnoo hajj kabul chay, was momentous for me. it lifted me out of the day's discomfort. i felt those moments at arafa penetrate deeply. i stood facing the setting sun, doing my dua, and i felt like i was being heard. and when i left arafa and headed towards muzdalifa, i emerged absolved, fresh and firmly resolved to hang on to this feeling for as long as possible. it was a rebirth in every sense.

spending the night at muzdalifa under the stars sounded poetic when we first learned of it. in reality, though, it was very cold and very wild. we shivered on thin blankets, felt rocks jutting into our sides and found our toes and fingers growing numb. winter nights in saudi can get quite cold, i found. waking up the next morning, our task was to find 70 jumraa stones on the side of the mountain. as i scoured the ground for these, i felt weak in body but strong in niyat. strong in mind. and that was what mattered; our bodies were not what this was about. my ankle was not what this was about.

the strength i felt surging through me was in direct conflict to my weakened body, and yet this conflict made perfect sense. i was able to feel sick and elated at the same time.

the next three days we spent shivering through a few hours of sleep in mina, walking until we found a ride to mecca, performing our zabiya or tawaf, walking behind buses, breathing in exhaust fumes just to reach the jumraa, throwing our stones and stumbling back to our tents, half asleep. repeating the same schedule for another day, and another. those days became a haze to me; the only thing that was clear was that i must keep going forward.

when our hajj was finally over, we returned to mecca and slept for two days. two days of catching up on sleep and allowing our exhaustion to finally take over; it was a luxury. i stayed off my ankle and i slept off the last few days, and emerged refreshed and ready to take advantage of my last few days in mecca.

for me, the highlight of these last few days was chumming hajar-al-aswad twice. this is quite a feat, in that the crowd around hajar-al-aswad is wild and chaotic and violent, and people will stop at nothing to get a chance to do it. the fact that i did it twice is unreal; without taher pushing me into the crowd and helping me burrow in there, there is no way i would have had the power to keep from being lifted above the crowd and spit out behind it. alhmadolillah, i had my chance.

one day, while we were doing tawaf, it began to rain. rain in this part of the world isn't exactly a common occurence, and on this evening, as it poured down upon us, we lifted our faces to it and just took in the beauty of it all.

we got raza to perform a second omra before we left for chicago, and on this day we went to gadir-e-khum and stood on the little hill upon which rasullilah stood. it was a moment of significance and i felt lucky to have seen this place with my own eyes. i will never again hear the story of gadir-e-khum without visualizing myself there. which, i suppose, can be said of so many of the significant places we visited in medina and mecca. history coming alive.

who i am is who i want to be

2007-01-14T12:59:00.000-06:00

zilhaj 6th. here in mecca, life takes on a routine all its own. it is evening. the azaan is drifting in from a dozen minarets. people on the next roof are doing their namaz. the smell of roasted nuts reaches me through the window and i feel suddenly elated, knowing that kaba is here. i am here. it is my city in the most fundamental of ways; the rules by which i live my life originated here. here i am home, here i do not pray kasr. miles from my apartment in chicago, miles from all my worldly goods, i have come here to find that i am not a traveler. i am home.

i have today made a niyat. a strong niyat. to stop philosophizing about change and to actually accomplish some. to be the person i want to be, to have the kind of afzal hajj that comes from trying hard and dedicating myself to living up to the responsibility of having performed these significant actions.

right now, i would not take back spraining my ankle. even though it colors every experience i have in mecca, even though many times i just feel angry that i have to work twice as hard to keep up with everyone, i wouldn't take back the injury. constantly striving to be the person i want to be, i suddenly feel much closer to being that. i feel strong and almost as though this ankle issue came along to show me what i can do.

surprisingly, i feel shukr. among all the muslims of the world, i am bohra. i not only have glimpsed what i can be, but also what i am.

beginning

2007-01-14T11:52:00.000-06:00

before leaving for hajj, many people told me to adopt a "roll with it" attitude; they assured me that things would not always go smoothly and that there would be annoyances and hardships during the journey. as much as i could from my comfortable existence in chicago, i tried to follow this advice.

our itinerary to medina was a long and convulted one; we traveled from chicago to dublin to frankfurt to doha to kuwait to medina. certainly, there are more direct routes, and knowing this it was difficult to be buoyant about the way our journey was beginning. yet somewhere between dublin and doha, the realization that i was about to embark on hajj began to hit me. once i felt the world start to fall away, that "roll with it" mindset came pretty naturally. turns out it would serve me well over the next month.

when we finally reached medina, it was late at night and taher and i were soon settled into our room. we were rooming with alifiyah and mohsin; cozy quarters and excellent company. we pondered the significance and history of medina for perhaps a few minutes before drifting off to sleep. we would be in medina for a few days before leaving for mecca, where our hajj would begin.

the first time i saw masjid al nabawi in medina, the weather was perfect and the sun was shining down upon the masjid. it couldn't have been more perfect. at masjid that first day, i was lost amidst a crush of people in a variety of colored clothing and colored skin. we literally had to fight our way into the inner chamber of the masjid; it was my first taste of ibadat alongside every other muslim in the world. being bohra is a rather secluded thing, i guess. i was reminded that Rasulillah farmayu that to do ziyarat at his kabr mubarak was akin to visiting him during his lifetime. i felt breathless that we were about to do this. so far hamd and shukr was constantly on my lips. i felt like i was surrounded by history with which i have a deep connection; it is my own history, after all.

days went by in medina, filled with visits to various significant masjids, a bit of shopping and a lot of visits to masjid al nabawi for balagh. on friday, though, something happened that would change the entire trip for me.

friday evening, it was almost maghrib and i was with my usual cohorts - taher, alifiyah and mohsin. i stepped off a curb and my ankle rolled under me. immediately i felt the searing pain that told me this wasn't a twisted ankle but rather a sprained one. i stood around clutching my foot for a while and then for some reason i dropped to the ground, unconscious. this is why you travel with people you trust; i was literally in the middle of the road. on the road. someone thrust a juice box into my hands and after a moment i felt a bit better, but i knew as we made our way home that things were going to be difficult from this point forward.

the entire next day, i sat in the room with my ankle propped on several pillows. and while everyone else did balagh and went to eat and lived their lives, i grew depressed alone in the room, thinking about all the walking i had ahead of me. hajj means tawaf and safa marwa and walking to arafa and camping out and walking over mountains and being on your feet constantly. hajj does not leave a lot of room for sitting around with your foot on a pillow. medina was the most relaxing part of the journey, and i knew that in only two days we would reach mecca and things would accelerate greatly.

despite taher's assurances that it would all work out, i was scared and worried. hajj is usually once in a lifetime and i did not want to fail because i couldn't walk.

the next evening we wore our ehram and departed for mecca. being in the pure white of ehram, i began to force myself to have some perspective. my ankle hurt, true, but i was here for a larger purpose and i had no choice but to push forward.

early monday morning, we went to baitullah. i saw kaba for the first time and i saw the seething mass of people surrounding it and became inwardly frantic. while everyone else gaped and took in the sight, i squeezed my eyes shut from the pain in my ankle. and breathed. and made a decision. this first day, we had to accomplish omra. this means tawaf (seven times around kaba is one tawaf) and safa marwa (crossing between two hills seven times). i told myself to not speak of my ankle to anyone; to refrain from all complaint until our omra was finished. i had no intention of causing further worry or slowing anyone down.

the significance of my task suddenly became my focus. if this was a battle between the physical and the spiritual, there was no way an ankle was going to come between me and my hajj. as always, move forward.

we entered the crowd around kaba, became part of the sea of people. it is so croweded that taking a full step is difficult; as a result, several people kicked my ankle and after a while it was just pain. it didn't matter anymore. what mattered was that i could overcome it. after all, i was at kaba. everyone i knew in the world was facing here as they prayed namaz, and i was standing at it. the center of the world. the focal point of millions of muslims. it was later that someone mentioned to me that it was christmas day; when i think of my state of mind and the things i was experiencing, the very concept of christmas celebrations seemed utterly foreign.

forward, o pilgrim

2007-01-14T11:51:00.000-06:00

we arrived home from hajj two days ago. exhausted physically, we were a bedraggled group when we came through customs here in chicago. yet i felt, and still feel, a lightness around me that is in direct contrast to my stuffed nose, ugly cough and heavy head. i wrote before i left that i knew the experience of hajj would change me; i was not wrong. the theme of this journey was to push forward and move towards the good.

over the next few posts i hope to get onto this blog the thoughts swirling in my head. please stay tuned.

two days! only two days!

2006-12-15T09:31:00.000-06:00

considering the fact that we have been planning for hajj since june, it seems surreal that we leave in only two days.

we are packed, it's all planned, and now we just need to leave. this week has gone by freakishly slowly. mon...day....tues....day...wednes...day.... sigh.

two days before we leave, and then two days from the time we leave until the time we get there- 48 hours in transit, taking the most insane route ever. the reason for this route is another story and won't be discussed here.

no point to this post, other than to say that i doubt i will blog again until after we return. hopefully with a lot of journalling to transcribe onto this blog.

stay tuned. see you all after january 11th.

happy holidays, happy new year! i will DMY you all. remember me on arafa no din and on eid!

community

2006-12-11T09:53:00.000-06:00

taher and i were at masjid on saturday night, and an unbelievable number of people came up to each of us and did a vida salaam. times like that, i feel awe at our community; these aunties and uncles have known me since i was born, and in these times of khushi, i feel like everyone's daughter. it's good to be "from" somewhere.

it was an amazing feeling, how happy everyone was for me. they were either telling me about their hajj experiences, or asking me to do dua that they too would go for hajj soon. but the way they all spoke about hajj reminded me that i am about to embark on quite a journey.

it's not just another trip. i am going to go farther than i have ever gone before, and even when i return, i will not be back where i started.

six days left

2006-12-11T09:45:00.000-06:00

we leave for hajj in only six days. this is an incredible fact; i remember when hajj was still 7 months away, and very much abstract. a week from today, i will find myself across the world and i have no idea how it'll feel.

i have travelled across the world before, and always felt confidence. even when my destination was a country i hadn't previously visited. i knew i would get there, see things, explore, take it all in. and that is what i will do this time as well, but for some reason it is still a huge blinking question mark in my mind.

hajj.

what will this be like?

my comfort is that i am going with taher. whatever unknowns hajj has in store for us, at least i'll be with my home-base. and in addition to taher we are going with people we like and trust.

just a few days ago, i was driving along, singing along with a CD (tracey, of course), and i suddenly thought how very thoroughly i would soon be lifted out of regular, daily life. i think once i am performing hajj, the thought of driving along I-90 and listening to music, watching snow blow across the highway in front of me will seem completely alien. hard to imagine that which i take for granted seeming utterly out of place.

i guess that happened to some degree when i lived in egypt; i would imagine returning to chicago and it would seem so distant and so different than what i was living at the time, that i couldn't quite believe that chicago was actually my permanent reality.

i can only wait and see. i find myself more nervous, but also more excited, as sunday the 17th draws near.

thanks

2006-12-05T14:32:00.000-06:00

in the past two weeks, as hajj approaches, some of our family and closer friends have been stopping by or having us over, to give us hajj salaams. taher and i are new to this tradition; apparently it's an old one, and our parents knew about it, but we were surprised when people starting doing it for us.

it's a pretty incredible tradition. when we were in san francisco, tubby bhai and maleka did it for us and we thought it was amazingly thoughtful. and then we came to chicago and some good friends did it. and my brother and some of my family. and others have said they want to make a point of doing it before we leave.

basically, the point of all this is that i feel very supported by the people who have made the effort to do this. it is not at all about the salaam itself, as we keep telling people when we try to refuse the cover and just accept the wishes. people are making individual efforts to wish us well, and they should know they will be remembered in our dua when we finally begin our hajj.

that doesn't look like 9 inches

2006-12-01T13:09:00.000-06:00

:)

the forecase said we'd have 6 to 9 inches on the ground by this morning, but it looks more like 2 or 3. no biggie, but it definitely broadcasts the fact that winter is here.

it's beginning to look a lot like christmas. lights and trees and sales galore!

looking out the window and seeing Grant Park covered in snow makes me feel cozy and happy. and renews my intention of staying indoors as much as possible!

hajj. two and a half weeks. and counting.

2006-11-29T09:18:00.000-06:00

on december 17th, taher and i leave for hajj. december 17th is coming up quickly and i have a mix of emotions about this journey we are about to experience. our hajj sabaq has not yet commenced and as a result, i feel wholly uninformed. of course, several people who have experienced hajj have told me what to expect, but i suspect there is no real preparation for a journey this immense.

i feel lucky to be going for hajj, inshallah, at such a young age. i feel frightened that i will be swallowed up by the sea of millions and suddenly find myself lost. i feel excited that i will see the Kaba in a matter of weeks, the axis upon which all my namaz is balanced a concrete place that i can see and touch. i feel anxious that i will not remember all that i need to remember, will not pray the correct things at the correct times, will not be a perfect haji. i feel overwhelmed by the thought of having my ehram spoiled by impatience or frustration or even less-than-100%-cotton. but above all i feel that a catharsis is going to take place. that i am going to feel more spiritual than even on ashara. that i will emerge freshened and renewed and... better.

while i've been saying all along that i can't wait for hajj, suddenly it seems i don't have to wait anymore. we will be leaving in 16 days. a mere 16 days.

thanksgiving weekend

2006-11-29T09:06:00.000-06:00

taher and i spent thanksgiving with my entire dad's side of the family. it was FUN. i see some of my aunts and uncles and cousins often, and others not so often. yet whenever i see my family members, it's a good time. i can stop at my dad's brother's house to pick something up and end up staying for an hour; it's a chat fest. and i always leave smiling.

anyway. aziz and sakina came to visit on thursday and they didn't leave until yesterday. six days! it was wonderful. i was 13 when aziz started college, and since then i have seen him infrequently and never been able to take seeing him for granted. as of next year, he will move closer to chicago and insh i will see him on a more monthly basis. nice to see your sibling often, even if he is a gruff old guy who only gives hugs when coerced into them :)

and spending six days with sakina was lovely. i knew she was a genius, but this weekend she dazzled us all. we were all constantly playing with her and watching her antics; she was the little star the entire weekend.

i read a lot of blogs this morning - post-thanksgiving posts and reasons to be thankful. i know i am not the first person to say this, but in the end it really comes down to the people in my life. family and friends. loved ones. thanks to those who participated in my weekend and made it such a blast.

oh yeah, THAT's what life is about

2006-11-22T09:03:00.000-06:00

taher and i were watching CSPAN the other night (for the record, this was the first time we snuggled on the couch to CSPAN, so hold your comments!) and muhammed yunus, recent nobel peace prize winner, was talking about microcredit and his vision of social responsibility.

check out this link to see what microcredit is. it's worth your time:

http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/2006-10-13-norway-nobel_x.htm

after watching the speech, and talking about it with taher and then my parents, i started to think about the kind of mindset that goes into creating such a simple- yet elegant- idea.

i feel that sometimes i am more caught up in the inanities of daily drama than i am in genuine introspection and the creation of ideas. i know what is most important in life, but i distract myself from that, rather than indulging in it. why is this?

some of my closest friends keep telling me to take what is important and keep it close, and let the rest- all of it- just go.

birthday

2006-11-21T12:24:00.000-06:00

happy birthday, mom! :)

thank you for everything, past present and future. you are a source of inspiration, guidance and companionship and i love you more than i can describe.

have a gorgeous birthday.

me and mine

2006-11-20T09:57:00.000-06:00

i love

reading
writing
taher
genuine friendships (and the people who make them possible)
my family, of course
bubble gum ice cream (but i'll settle for most flavors)
top model and gilmore girls (they're not highbrow but who really cares?)
poetry, especially victorian
giggling fits
imagining i'm in a movie and the music in my ipod is actually the soundtrack
daydreaming
being driven around
realizing that change is easy
being appreciated
my daily routine and its inherent flexibility
dressing comfortably
beating a deadline
lots of other things. and lots of things that aren't things at all.

leave a message

2006-11-20T08:58:00.000-06:00

we returned from san francisco late saturday night, and by sunday the entire trip seemed like a far-off, lovely memory. as is usually the case.

we had a wonderful time- spent some days in the burbs with taher's brother and his brother's wife and kids, and spent some time in the city of SF. all of it was great. we got a lot of bonding time with the kids (two girls, 4 and 2 years old) and they made the trip so much more memorable.

however, while we were in SF i didn't really explore the city much, as i had intented to. i did see a lot of the city, but i was with company and i enjoyed that more than the city itself.

one nice thing (among many) about the trip was that we rarely found ourselves checking email or answering our cell phones. it was nice to be so unattached; that never happens in chicago. my phone was in my suitcase most of the trip, and i would answer the occasional text but not much more than that.

except a couple of very important phone conversations that i had with two of my favorite people :)

anyway, rambling aside, it was a great trip. more soon.

be sure.. to wear flowers in your hair

2006-11-10T12:38:00.000-06:00

i love that song. and like it says, we are going to san francisco! today. i'm excited- stay tuned, i know i'll be posting. there is something about a trip that makes me more introspective. or at least more vocal about it.

without borders

2006-11-08T11:27:00.000-06:00

today my mom leaves for yemen; a bohra medical clinic is being established there, and doctors from america are flying over to volunteer their time and efforts as the clinic becomes fully functioning.

loaded down with medical books that she will donate to the clinic, my mom leaves tonight. i am very excited for her, and know the experience will be an amazing one. however since she doesn't journal or show any interest in taking a camera, my interviewing skills will be put to the test when she comes home. i want to know as many details as she will be able to remember.

i'm proud of her initiative in going off to yemen to offer her services. it reminds me that it has been years since i have been involved in community service (with the exception of jamaat khidmat), and renews my resolve to get re-involved.

(not much) deeper than that

2006-11-02T10:37:00.000-06:00

"Now the years are rollin’ by me,
They are rockin’ evenly .
I am older than I once was, younger than I’ll be,
That’s not unusual.
It isn’t strange
After changes upon changes,
we are more or less the same.
After changes, we are more or less the same."

those of you who know me know that i love lyrics; i hear a new song and i immediately listen to the words and if they speak to me, if they are my kind of poetry, then i love the song.

certain songs move me so much that when i hear them, i feel intensely the inspiration in life.

these lyrics in particular- i feel as though the longer we live, the more we become ourselves. stripped of the edifice that we spend so much time putting into place.

i saw a play with my "little sister" the other night, and afterward we had a conversation about this very idea. "after changes upon changes, we are more or less the same." indeed.

i like you

2006-10-27T09:48:00.000-05:00

last night i needed to review a restaurant for an article i'm writing, so taher and i went to check it out. it's called Tavern on Rush, which many of you might have heard of; it's pretty good food and we had a nice time, sitting by a window, safe from the rain, taking our time.

and then we drove home and listened to a CD and sang along and i notice that a lot of my favorite moments are when it's the two of us in the car, with good music, watching the local city streets fly by outside the window. i love that scenario so much.

eid mubarak

2006-10-24T09:36:00.000-05:00

sunday was the Chicago Marathon; 40,000 people ran past my window in their last quarter-mile of the 26 mile marathon. looking down from my window, i could see an endless stream of people about to complete the very last leg. 26 miles of personal motivation, triumph and spirit.

everyone runs their own marathons; monday was eid, the very last leg after a slightly different tournament of personal motivation, triumph and spirit..uality. like everyone else, i was excited about eid. spending time with friends and even more important, spending time with family. i got to see people i never get to see, and i enjoyed myself so, so much.

i also learned a few things this ramazaan and gained some insights into the nature of certain people; and people in general. i became more involved in writing khidmat than ever before, and i hope this trend continues; i have enjoyed being actively involved in the jamaat via my own strengths. i watched talebaat grow by almost half and felt genuine excitement at just how much we can accomplish when we put our pretty little heads together.

anyway. more on all this later. ramazaan is over and as always, it's been an experience.

you can be many colors, but i like it when you're blue

2006-10-10T10:30:00.000-05:00

i have always felt a connection with the lake. it began in college, when i would go to Piper Hall (this gorgeous old house on the edge of campus that had been converted for university use), and sit on its sprawling balcony, mere feet away from the lake. i could spend hours just gazing at the water, and it never failed to inspire me. i felt that this time, sitting by the lake, was one of the most creative periods of my life.

one of the things i love about chicago is that the lake is for everyone. for various reasons, most of the lakefront has been preserved as public park. downtown, it will never be encroached upon; the ground cannot support buildings. and therefore the lake is public domain. thousands of feet of green grass and trees and bike paths and benches. you don't have to buy anything to own the lake.

and for years now, i have known that it is mine.

when i sit by the lake, i realize that things are simple. i feel every single one of my years; yet i feel as young as a morning. i am able to forget small issues and weed out things that aren't working for me. i feel as supported as i do after a conversation with devon/farida/meryam.

i don't know what it is about this endless body of water that affects me, but i have come to regard it almost as a familiar face.

Pink For October

2006-10-03T19:07:00.000-05:00

To draw attention to Breast Cancer Awareness month, a movement has sprung up; to convince as many blogs as possible to go Pink for the month of october.

in other news, the bravada is officially sold and gone from my life. end of an era. i know it seems sentimental but that was my first car. and i totally LOVE it.

siiighhhhh.

thanks for the roses and the text message too

2006-10-02T10:45:00.000-05:00

i want people's thoughts on this one- it's something i have been thinking about lately.

when the chips are down, who is really there for you? i consider myself pretty lucky in that i have people who truly care about me- people who will give me their time and concern if i am even a little bit upset. they are people i can expect this from. whether i thank them or not, they are there for me.

that said, i have noticed the presence in my life of fair-weather friends.

there will always be people who stand by and wait for everything to be okay- who don't really come through when things are not okay. do you, reader, have any people like this in your life? what are your thoughts?

tell me. i want to know.