beginning back there
well, this blog seems destined to follow in the tradition of the narrative, nonfictional mass emails with which i've been hounding my friends and family for the past five years. so i suppose the best way to start is with one of these emails- the one i wrote in may 2000, right before i graduated from college:
---
hey everyone. so i'm graduating tomorrow- the last week and a half i've been trying to soak up every last second, just joying my friends and my lake and my campus- trying hard to stay in the moment and not think about this all ending- but of course i haven't been able to help but be reflective. all of us are- the reminiscing has more than begun; the conversations, no matter how obscure, turn from midgets or john donne or war paint to the fact that college is over. these four years have been surprisingly short when viewed as a whole. but they've been an eternity when i look back on individual events. but as many times as it's been said, i must say it's been the journey of my life. as a freshman, i knew i'd change, but i didn't know how and how much; now, looking back, it's incredible to me that i can see differences in the way i approach life. i'm sure there are ways i've changed that i don't even realize; this thrills me even more.
of course it's painful to leave a place where i feel at home. i've arrived at a point where i am truly happy with myself, and, incredibly, more so with every new tweak and change i make- i've experienced a certain awakening, and i associate this awakening with loyola- with the place (a campus and a city and a lake that i love and claim as my own) and the people (i know now what it is to have friends as dear to me as family- and the rest, the good friends and the acquaintances and the merely familiar faces make walking around campus a sunny and cozy experience) and its 'feel'- with its smell- it's aura.
basically i've been doing a lot of walking around and hanging out and indulging my sense of sentimentality. and although i hate that i have to leave the place where i feel closest to the person i see myself becoming, i realize loyola's been a springboard. it's the starting point; i've milked the loyola experience for almost every drop of growth i could attain here, and not always voluntarily. at times what i was actually experiencing by far beat my imagination in terms of excitement.
but now i have to move on, ready or not. it eases things to know that i have much to look forward to in the near future- i've traveled with my family and alone, but never just with friends- so europe immediately after graduation should be interesting. and in august my roommate and i are going to cairo to teach and take grad school classes for at least a year. adventure is on the horizon. but, honestly, what i'm learning is that, yes, although moving to egypt will surely bring adventure, it is something else that excites me about life- i'm realizing that to be fanciful is not to be unrealistic, that to be a dreamer is not to be poor; i've met people who understand what it is to be so passionate about something that it brings tears to their eyes- i love that. the existence of people like this gives me faith that i can live the way i want- that i can indulge myself in the appreciation and pursuit of beauty and wonder and that because i mean this, because i feel it, i can say it without feeling cliche. i can live so that all of it is an adventure. i am inspired to adhere to my own definition of success and happiness.
so i'll end the story here. at the beginning.
zahra
---
ahh. it's sweet, isn't it? hmm. as tempted as i am at this moment to roll my eyes at myself, i won't. because first of all, i actually like what i wrote in may 2000, but it's just easier to pretend to be cynical about your work when you're showing it to someone else. and second, in the context of the emails i've written since then, it holds true that no matter how much things change, the more they stay the same...
well, this blog seems destined to follow in the tradition of the narrative, nonfictional mass emails with which i've been hounding my friends and family for the past five years. so i suppose the best way to start is with one of these emails- the one i wrote in may 2000, right before i graduated from college:
---
hey everyone. so i'm graduating tomorrow- the last week and a half i've been trying to soak up every last second, just joying my friends and my lake and my campus- trying hard to stay in the moment and not think about this all ending- but of course i haven't been able to help but be reflective. all of us are- the reminiscing has more than begun; the conversations, no matter how obscure, turn from midgets or john donne or war paint to the fact that college is over. these four years have been surprisingly short when viewed as a whole. but they've been an eternity when i look back on individual events. but as many times as it's been said, i must say it's been the journey of my life. as a freshman, i knew i'd change, but i didn't know how and how much; now, looking back, it's incredible to me that i can see differences in the way i approach life. i'm sure there are ways i've changed that i don't even realize; this thrills me even more.
of course it's painful to leave a place where i feel at home. i've arrived at a point where i am truly happy with myself, and, incredibly, more so with every new tweak and change i make- i've experienced a certain awakening, and i associate this awakening with loyola- with the place (a campus and a city and a lake that i love and claim as my own) and the people (i know now what it is to have friends as dear to me as family- and the rest, the good friends and the acquaintances and the merely familiar faces make walking around campus a sunny and cozy experience) and its 'feel'- with its smell- it's aura.
basically i've been doing a lot of walking around and hanging out and indulging my sense of sentimentality. and although i hate that i have to leave the place where i feel closest to the person i see myself becoming, i realize loyola's been a springboard. it's the starting point; i've milked the loyola experience for almost every drop of growth i could attain here, and not always voluntarily. at times what i was actually experiencing by far beat my imagination in terms of excitement.
but now i have to move on, ready or not. it eases things to know that i have much to look forward to in the near future- i've traveled with my family and alone, but never just with friends- so europe immediately after graduation should be interesting. and in august my roommate and i are going to cairo to teach and take grad school classes for at least a year. adventure is on the horizon. but, honestly, what i'm learning is that, yes, although moving to egypt will surely bring adventure, it is something else that excites me about life- i'm realizing that to be fanciful is not to be unrealistic, that to be a dreamer is not to be poor; i've met people who understand what it is to be so passionate about something that it brings tears to their eyes- i love that. the existence of people like this gives me faith that i can live the way i want- that i can indulge myself in the appreciation and pursuit of beauty and wonder and that because i mean this, because i feel it, i can say it without feeling cliche. i can live so that all of it is an adventure. i am inspired to adhere to my own definition of success and happiness.
so i'll end the story here. at the beginning.
zahra
---
ahh. it's sweet, isn't it? hmm. as tempted as i am at this moment to roll my eyes at myself, i won't. because first of all, i actually like what i wrote in may 2000, but it's just easier to pretend to be cynical about your work when you're showing it to someone else. and second, in the context of the emails i've written since then, it holds true that no matter how much things change, the more they stay the same...
...Natural is the static
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