dinner at leona's

i had this friend. we met in college. i told her once, as we were doing our hair in her bathroom and having a conversation in the mirror, that i knew her face almost better than i knew my own. it wasn't a compliment- it was just a fact.

then, of course, some drama entered the friendship and i learned not to depend on her anymore; then i learned not to expect her to depend on me; then i learned to go for days without telling her what was going on with me; and finally i learned to live without her completely. so complete was this, in fact, that it became unclear to me, a year later, why i had ever considered her a sister. at this point, i felt like acquaintances at best. shrug.

and then. life, of course, moved right along and it was the middle of 2003. and i had so much and so many and not one empty space available for anyone new to come and fill; but i did have a bit of resentment that, if i got rid of, might make a little room for her in my life again.

so i threw away that resentment. bit by bit, i just let it go. and i found that getting to know her again, and sliding back into the comfort zone, was actually very gratifying. of course, it was not as it was, but then, i didn't really want that. needs change.

but what did she write me once on a birthday card? that line from one of leonard's songs, "i know my love goes with you as your love stays with me... just the way it changes like the shoreline to the sea..." it wasn't a compliment. it was just a fact.