for you

for months, i've felt like i don't have to miss you because i come to see you and you're right there. suddenly it occurs to me that maybe you, the you i've known since you were two, the you i've gotten to know for the last 18 years as more than a family member but also as a friend, are someone i dearly miss and cannot have back very easily.

how have you changed? what are you thinking? why are we all so helpless to do anything for you? to bring YOU back to the surface? i have a million questions and absolutely no answers. but then i'm sure that you echo that sentiment a thousandfold.

i'm sorry that i sometimes forget how hard it is for you- i never, ever forget what you're going through and i carry you with me all the time, but sometimes i forget the depths of your frustration. if all of us, your friends and family, could share the load, we would.

i'm proud of you. i'm inspired by you.

i miss you.