hits!

today my sitemeter says 1,000... a thousand hits since january! (piddling compared to some blogs, but more than enough to make me happy!)

thanks, everyone... it's fun to share.

oh, pish posh

you flatter me :)

http://www.unmedia.blogspot.com/2003_08_21_unmedia_archive.html#106156443270249193

birthday girl

it's only 10 am, and i've been sung to twice. two strange renditions of the 'happy birthday song', one from my mom (super cute) and one from the lovely F.A. - both sweet.

the guy on the radio said today is the hottest day of the year in chicago. splendid.

you know, in only 75 more years, i'll be 100. woah.

have some ice cream, people. it's the hottest day of the year. (got this link from mpc.):

http://www.kylbarnes.com/banditcom/haagendaz.pdf

no title necessary

suddenly i'm looking at life as this temporary thing. part of me has to look at it this way, because i need to stop thinking about what you missed out on in the past 8 months, and what you will not experience in this life. deep down, i understand that you are being given back all that you missed and more- infinitely more- and it's so huge that there are no words and no images for it. but i cannot even fathom your new life and so it is hard to remember that you have one - i'm human, and being human and earth-bound and stuck in the now is all i really know.

but you're somewhere else, somewhere better, and you're better off. it's the truth. these past 8 months, i have seen you go through a lot, and now it's your turn to be perfectly happy and perfectly comfortable and perfectly... free. i miss you so much. i am still half in shock and keep wondering whether maybe you're just away on vacation. i don't think i'm capable yet of acknowledging the finality of all of this. it's better that way, though- denial helps.

i don't want to cry for you. i want to sing for you. i want to laugh for you. it's so weird- i've never felt this before, but even as i want to cry for my loss, i am happy for you. how am i feeling both of those things at once?

please watch over me if you can. i love you.

for you

for months, i've felt like i don't have to miss you because i come to see you and you're right there. suddenly it occurs to me that maybe you, the you i've known since you were two, the you i've gotten to know for the last 18 years as more than a family member but also as a friend, are someone i dearly miss and cannot have back very easily.

how have you changed? what are you thinking? why are we all so helpless to do anything for you? to bring YOU back to the surface? i have a million questions and absolutely no answers. but then i'm sure that you echo that sentiment a thousandfold.

i'm sorry that i sometimes forget how hard it is for you- i never, ever forget what you're going through and i carry you with me all the time, but sometimes i forget the depths of your frustration. if all of us, your friends and family, could share the load, we would.

i'm proud of you. i'm inspired by you.

i miss you.