Thursday, November 27, 2003


it's turkey day... i've loved it the last few years when ramazaan/eid have coincided with the holiday season- this year more than ever, since Eid was tuesday and today is thanksgiving. it's been this surreal week where every day is a party- or special in some way.

lots of things to be thankful for- where to begin? i'd like to thank:

my parents for being people i can actually talk to- who i can reason with- who were my first definition of home and will always be the epitome of comfort and security to me.

aziz for shouting at all his friends to watch me jump off the diving board for the first time (20 years ago)- and for lecturing me on every topic he can think of, all the time. (no matter how busy he gets, he still has time to guide me. i appreciate it.)

my friends for being reachable and supportive. especially those who have been in the same boat as i these last three months- as much as i like to complain, you've made life easier...

everyone who reads my blog - knowing you're out there is positive feedback!

murtz for introducing me to david gray. i listened to that cd last night as i went to sleep and made a mental note to thank him, so here it is :) on that note, actually, tracey chapman for having been born. you rock.

Fate for taher. thank you MUCH.

and Allah for all of the above.

happy thanksgiving, everyone!

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

write or wrong

last night and today i was feeling pretty bummed- just a lot of things piling up on top of one another, and making me feel frustrated. some of these things may be out of my control, but my reaction is always the one thing i can control, even in a negative situation.

at the same time, i have to be honest with myself. i think it's really important to acknowledge how i'm feeling- to actually feel it and move through it, instead of shut it off and not let it be expressed. sometimes, in the midst of "feeling how i'm feeling" or whatever you'd call it, i am at my most creative and productive. i like the writing that comes out of my angsty moments more than the writing i do because it's time to sit and write. of course i'm introspective and extremely analytical- but without those qualities, i wouldn't be the kind of writer i am. and i feel lucky to be able to write my mind. i feel like i look at things- at situations- with an eye towards writing of them, and therefore i process things on a different level than i would otherwise. i think my writing gives me vision. even as it gives me, unfortunately, all the more fodder for extreme sensitivity and analysis.

in light of today, i find myself wondering- what difference does it make, really, if people don't behave the way i expect them to? the difference is all in how i take it. i was angered today because i felt let down- but in the end, life is simple and i need to learn to keep it that way.

i'd much rather be authentic than be perfect, but in the end, i want to move forward, as well. not at the cost of thinking, or writing. but maybe at the cost of some of that drama :P

Tuesday, November 18, 2003


i read this phrase a few days ago: "born a foreigner". just three words, but they made me think. i was born in america and am, on all counts, an american, but i wonder, was i born a foreigner? i don't think i'd be able to ask this question in a couple of generations- the concept of minorities might be very different in 50 years- but for now, i think it's still valid to wonder whether people are blind to ethnicity or merely accepting of it.

not that this is a problem in the least- the last time i wished i had a blonder, whiter ethnicity, i was in the 8th grade. since college, i've kind of become enamored of belonging to the "exotic" club. but still, that phrase: born a foreigner. what does that mean? people in every country besides america (and canada, i guess) are usually from that country- and by that i mean that their ethnicity matches their nationality. that must be cool. i've lived in places where i look more like everyone around me, but again, i'm not from there. in india, i am certainly a foreigner.

but maybe -- and again, this is not a bad thing; i actually love my niche, however hard it may be to describe or pin down-- i'm a foreigner here, too.

or maybe not. don't know. maybe the concept of minorities is becoming defunct faster than i assume it is.