Happy 2nd Birthday, Yusuf!

today is yusuf's 2nd birthday. i can't believe my baby boy is two years old!

he just got off the phone with his kaka/kaki, and now he's on the phone with his other kaka/kaki and his dada/dadi- and in the background his cousins are singing happy birthday to him :)

i can't believe how much yusuf talks and understands these days- he is becoming a real kid and less of a toddler everyday. he sits in his carseat and points stuff out the window to nooriya, and talks to his little sister as though it's his job to educate her about the world.

i am so proud of my happy little boy. he makes our lives infinitely better and our world infinitely brighter, and i love him more than i can describe.

happy birthday, yusuf!

learning to juggle

we came home from the hospital 2 weeks ago today, and yesterday was my first day alone at home with both kids. it went smoothly because i figured out a schedule beforehand that would help me juggle yusuf's needs with nooriya's. it also went smoothly because nooriya takes a nice, long nap after each nursing session; this gives me a chance to spend a lot of alone time with yusuf.

since i took over yusuf's daytime schedule again (the past two weeks it's been taher or one of our four parents who have been doing most of yusuf's care, while i concentrated on nooriya and, secondarily, myself). even though today is only the second day that i have been the one to wake yusuf and dress him and do his diapers and his meals, etc etc, i can already see that he's feeling good about it. things are back to normal for him, since mummy is the one who is around all day with him. sure, there's a baby around also, but he's tolerating her presence for now. once she starts touching his toys, this may change.

anyway. right now the baby is sleeping and the toddler is eating raisins. they are making my 2nd solo day manageable, and i am beginning to think i can actually handle this in the long run! check back in a few months to see if i'm still sane :)

thank you, nooriya, for being a calm, content baby. you're awesome. and thank you, yusuf, for being dependable and routine-following. you're awesome as well.

Nooriya

last monday we welcomed Nooriya into the world. so far, so good- it's nice to be doing this the second time around, and to feel so much more confident about how to care for our newborn. things are just much less drama-filled and we are taking it easy, figuring out nooriya and the way she likes things, and not second-guessing ourselves nearly as much as we did when we first had yusuf.

i guess it's helpful that we have yusuf around as proof that we did a good job the first time around, and can do so again :)

hopefully no colic comes around this time. we are filled with wonder at the way she eats and then sleeps, and only cries for fixable reasons, and seems pretty content most of the time. yusuf is a happy, cheerful toddler, but was a majorly unhappy infant for the first four months of his life.

anyway. family of four. it's amazing :)

21 weeks

right now, 12 people i know are pregnant. including me! there must be something in the drinking water.

i'm 21 weeks and alhamdolillah, things are going well. although this is our second time around i still don't find myself blase about the experience. pregnancy is such a unique situation, where my body is enacting an enormously significant physical process without any conscious input from me at all. without actually thinking about it, i'm getting something major accomplished.

it's magical and also very, very weird.

anyway, i'm trying to enjoy the journey and not try to fast-forward to the end. i am definitely eager to meet the new baby, but in the meantime i'm just savoring the fact that i only have one child now- a child with a predictable daytime schedule, who reliably sleeps through the night :)

and on another note, happy birthday, taher!!! :)

Inauguration Day

today barack obama took the oath of office. as aretha franklin sang "my country 'tis of thee", the camera showed obama looking out over the mall. then the camera panned out to show the throngs of people filling the entire space between the capitol and the washington monument- throngs of people who had come there full of hope. considering what obama must have been feeling, looking at the crowd, i felt awed and humbled and scared on his behalf.

he's in. he's the President. and now he has to make good on what he has so eloquently and poetically promised and proclaimed. it's a daunting job, the one he has in front of him.

and alongside the hope emanating from the thousands of people who watched him be inaugurated, i imagine there's also the overwhelmingly simple message: don't let us down.

here we go! there are good things ahead.

happy birthday, yusuf!

a friend of mine asked me today, "do you remember what you were doing last year at this time?"

oh, yes. i do. and although that day was a magical one and a joyous one, it was also hard and chaotic and confusing. i had been in labor for 24 hours by the time yusuf arrived, and my feelings of awe and happiness were mingled with fatigue and anxiety and pain.

this year, i'm free to just love yusuf without any of the difficult stuff. this is the first birthday of his that i am enjoying completely. and after a year of getting to know him, it's the first birthday that i think i am beginning to actually understand what he adds to our lives.

as his borders widen and he develops preferences and likes and dislikes, as he tests the boundaries of mummy and abba's "No!", as he learns how to get a laugh out of us and how to ask for what he wants, i begin to vaguely glimpse the future.

he's already ONE! but it's just the beginning.

alhamdolillah for last nov 25th, for this one, for the next ones.

this week

dear yusuf:

this week, your father and i made history. we didn't do it alone - far from it. we did it together - around 63 million of us. we voted for a presidential candidate who looked and acted and spoke and believed differently, and he let us know that he was the right person for the job. and so we voted for him. and our votes were counted. and when he won, we each felt that our voices were heard. it was as much a personal victory as it was a national one.

we were inspired to vote, and we are inspired to win. we celebrate.

you were right there with your father and i when we cast our votes. when we watched the results on tuesday night. and in four years when we cast our votes for him again, you'll be there as well. and maybe you will be as inspired as we are.

after all, this week taught us something perhaps some of us have forgotten. anything is possible, yusuf.

just one word...

muBARACK!

:)

let's vote

yesterday, taher and i voted at our City Hall. we found that there was an opportunity to vote early, and so we did. it was especially satisfying to vote the morning after watching the Debates.

truly, this election is historical for all the reasons touted by the media and the bloggers and the analysts. with words like the Environment and the Economy swirling around, this election will be determining the future of the country- the very Fate of the country. with words like Woman and Black and Muslim and Change thrown into the mix, there is no denying that this election is the first of its kind, perhaps in a long time- perhaps ever.

yet for me, this election is historical for yet another reason- maybe the most important reason. the last election saw a lot of apathy on the part of young people. most didn't vote. most didn't watch the debates. most didn't know much about either candidate's platform. this time around, MTV doesn't need to constantly air commercials telling the youth the importance of voting. this time around, people are doing research about the candidates, instead of relying on tidy summaries on easy-to-find websites. this time around, a lack of opinion is hard to find, much less apathy.

this election is restoring the spirit that should infuse every presidential election. youth doesn't just have an interest- the youth is invested. even my 6-year-old niece has an opinion (it's her parents' opinion, true, but it shows what the conversations are in american households this time around.) i hope dearly that this sets the stage for a new attitude on the part of american youth- those who are not 18 will, i hope, be eagerly awaiting their chance to vote four years from now. those who can vote will do so proudly.

i look forward to yusuf growing up wanting to vote, waiting to vote. i voted yesterday and although it's something almost everyone i know can and will do, i am still proud of my contribution. it felt... good.

journey

watching yusuf learn to be himself, i think about his history- about the people who laid the groundwork for him to be here.

his four grandparents moved here almost four decades ago, leaving one of the world's oldest civilizations to make a home in one of the newest. their lives changed in ways i cannot imagine, and they became used to a completely different existence.

maybe, in our own ways, yusuf and i have been on similar journeys. i have come to inhabit a space called motherhood, which is surprising and foreign and a world apart from where i lived before. yet i've found my place within it, made it my home. yusuf's journey, though, trumps all, i think. every single day, i feel, is a different world from the day before. he has yet to find a stopping point where he can just be. rather things are always moving and changing around him, and when he finally gets his bearings, things change again.

yet he seems to be taking it all in stride. yes, there are new things to explore. new words to learn. toys and people and books and field trips and lights and music and errands and food- so much newness that it's clear he is programmed to handle it better than any habit-bound adult ever could.

he inspires me not to rest on the achievements i already attribute to myself, not to congratulate myself too heartily for the difficult things that i accomplish. yusuf accomplishes something every single day, and, determined and curious, he moves ever forward.

just another day

my birthday just passed, and it was one of the best ones yet. i spent a lot of time taking stock of what i've accomplished and i'm happy to be where i am. and that's a great feeling.

every year on my birthday, taher asks me what my favorite moment was since my previous birthday. most years, the answer is obvious, and this year was no different. i, along with my very best friend, brought a baby into the world of whom i am immensely proud and with whom i am completely enamored.

not bad.

this year we celebrated my birthday over the course of a few days, at various moments and in various ways. i spent my birthday and the days following it with a lot of different people, and realized i know precisely what it is i want, how to get it, and with whom i want to share it. sometimes life is noisy and i am learning to discern the peace amidst the chaos. i know how i want to feel and who makes me feel that way. i know who will be there for me, who will support me, who will make me feel most like myself. and i think that's very valuable information to have.

pure

today, as yusuf napped, i sat in the huge armchair in my library, reading. and suddenly, out of nowhere, it started to pour. i looked out the window and saw the best kind of rainfall- the sun was shining so brightly that the rain seemed completely out of place, even as it took over the scene. the rain was clear and sparkling and soundless.

i forgot for a moment what day it was, what month it was, even what season it was. it didn't feel like july, like summer. it just felt like a clean, pure rainy day.

and then yusuf woke up from his nap and the rain seemed to magically be linked to him, for it stopped as soon as he cried. and as i climbed the stairs to get him, everything indoors and out seemed renewed and fresh and bright.

it doesn't happen everyday, but sometimes i feel completely in tune with things that i am only a tiny part of, and it's wonderful.

home again

we just returned from our trip to quebec and maine. quebec was lovely, but rainy- we stayed in a castle that is one of the city's landmarks, walked around on cobblestone streets, took lots of pictures of yusuf in front of Mother Nature. taher was honored at an actuarial conference (he's passed all 9 and is the actuarial-equivalent of a Rock Star), which is the reason we were in quebec.

from there we had a scenic drive to portland, maine, where we stayed in a little hotel right on the beach, tried some lobster (ICK!), watched yusuf bat his eyelashes at all the ladies, saw the new adam sandler movie at a drive-in movie theater. it was a nice little beachy vacation.

they had a book warehouse, too, where i bought a bunch of novels for only four bucks each! i need one of those in elmhurst.

this trip was wonderful in that we had an entire week to just be together, the three of us- we got to just play with yusuf and not feel any time restraints. we learned how much yusuf really knows about what is going on, even though he doesn't yet have the language to express what he knows. i see him becoming more and more of a little person who aims to make his desires known.

it was a good trip. the first of many family vacations, inshallah.

swimmer

today we took yusuf to the pool for the first time. granted, we were only in the pool for about 5 minutes and we only got him wet up to his shoulders, but we were extremely excited about it. another milestone, another event we got to experience.

as i slathered him in baby sunblock for his 5 minutes poolside, i thought about the cold winter weather we were having when he was born. i thought the summer would never, ever, ever come, and that taking him swimming was a far away dream.

it's the small things that make us so happy these days. yusuf can charm us with the tiniest gesture, and it's a power he doesn't (yet) know he has.

call for stories

from my friend and fellow blogger, a call for stories. details are as follows:

CALL FOR STORIES

Announcing a call for non-fiction, personal stories by American Muslim women on courtship and/or dating to be published in an anthology.We are looking for talented writers to pitch well-written, surprising and compelling anecdotes for a book on loving and looking for love while Muslim.

WHY A BOOK ABOUT COURTSHIP/DATING?

There is a stereotype about Muslim women out there that does not show them as the thinking, feeling, lively people with loving hearts and independent minds that we know them to be. Partially, this is because there just aren't enough real-life stories about Muslim women being told by Muslim women themselves. The purpose of this collection is to take control of our narrative by telling our own stories, emphasizing the humanity we all share and celebrating the quirks that make us unique. We hope to do that through stories about courtship/dating, as these rituals exist in every societal context as the search for a partner is universal. We're excited at the prospect of amplifying the voices of American Muslim women. If you think such perspectives need to be heard too, we invite you to contribute your story!

DETAILS

Stories must be auto-biographical and written by American Muslim women, either born in and/or predominantly raised in the United States . We are looking for contributors who identify as American and as Muslim, whether by birth or conversion, and who reflect a broad range of religious perspectives, from orthodox to cultural to secular.Write about a transformative episode that defined your courtship/dating experience. Think about the epiphany, the crystallizing moment: At what point in your life did your religious identity play a role in your search for a partner? Did other factors, such as ethnicity, race, class, etc. merge or collide with your religious identity?
We want real-life stories rich with details so they read like fiction. We want more story-telling and less essay-like commentary.
Diversity: Contributions are welcome from Muslim women of all racial and ethnic backgrounds, born and convert Muslims, Sunnis/Shiites, disabled, single, engaged, married, divorced, or widowed.

In order for your story to be considered, please send us the following information by as soon as possible. All responses will be treated as confidential. *Your full name*Age*Your geographic location*E-mail address or phone number*Ethnic/racial background*Sect*Whether Muslim by birth or conversion*Your story, ranging between 1,500 and 4,000 words.
Stories will be selected based on their literary merit. You already know what makes good writing: humor, drama, irony, triumph, and focus. Bring your anecdote to life with vivid characterization, geographical/time placement, dialog, plot, and surprising real-life details. Draw us into your personal story!

Contact us: Please send your story and all other inquiries to: relationship.anthology@gmail.com Notification: Final stories are due May 23, 2008. [Given the close deadline, we can work with you on an extension - please contact us!]

All submissions may not be accepted, but every submission will be considered.

movement

lately yusuf has learned to roll - he only does one roll at a time now, but i can see how very quickly this will change, and he will be that most exciting of things: mobile!

as he gets older, time is moving more quickly. i can imagine him doing things that i couldn't fathom when he was a newborn. while being home with him is certainly hard work at times, i find myself being rewarded in lovely ways. he smiles for people, of course, but the smiles i get are more frequent, brighter and more joyous than anyone else sees. this is how he pays me for my time, and i am extremely thankful for it.

his milestones seem so momentous to me, and each day seems like such a large amount of time. the day he walks off to school seems like another lifetime, and i find myself wondering how so much can change and so much time can go by, for such a miracle to occur. yet i know that years are mere pinpoints and that this special time with my son, these days i take for granted in which to play with him, cuddle him, scramble for a moment to myself here and there- these days will one day be memories only.

funny

this made me laugh.

http://aware.easilyamused.org/

how far away

"i am still enchanted
by the light you brought to me.
i listen through your ears
and through your eyes i can see..."

when you first fall in love, every song takes on new meaning. i've been experiencing that since yusuf came along and put taher and i under his spell. the above lyric just seems to be exactly what goes on these days- yusuf staring at the world around him with such intensity and such curiousity that i imagine his brain must be experiencing sensory overload.

it must be hard work, being a baby. he can't take anything for granted and can't look at anything without trillions of connections being made in his brain. sometimes i'm not surprised he just wants to sleep. or cry :)

the other day, as i drove into the city, i could see the chicago skyline before me, and it made me think of a sight that once was familiar to me. when i lived in cairo, on a clear day you could see the outlines of the two larger pyramids on the horizon. they were a 30 minute drive away and yet the two perfect triangles seemed so tangible and so stark. i grew to think of this sight at the "Cairo skyline", and i would remember fondly the chicago one.

the other day, then, seeing the chicago skyline, i was reminded how very much i considered cairo my second home. i had traveled far from everything familiar and found myself feeling very settled, very much a part of my surroundings. i glanced in the backseat at yusuf and wondered, one day, where will he go? what will he see? these days he is with me 24 hours a day, and if i am gone for a few hours, he is with taher. but one day he might travel far from us and become a part of a world i will only visit. he may make a second home in a city that i cannot begin to understand.

it's so strange that although right now he doesn't do anything with my knowing about it, the potential is already within him for an entire life. i wonder what he will do with it and i hope that no matter how far he travels, he will still look at his family and think, as i do, that there is home.

morning person

yusuf's colic can be challenging at times, but lately, as his personality emerges, my days are becoming more and more rewarding. he is such a morning person, giving me these immense smiles and batting his mile-long eyelashes.

i know now that he recognizes me, and that my presence can calm him down. it's a good feeling, having this little cute-ball's love.

time supposedly flies

yusuf turned 2 months old a few days ago, and while everyone says that children grow up quickly, i feel like time has gone by very slowly. the reason for this is that i am always looking forward to the next stage and wanting to see yusuf begin to laugh and clap and crawl and talk and read and discuss and drive and... you get the idea :)

at the same time, i am enjoying his baby-ness and how small he is, and how cuddly, and how cute. he makes faces that make taher and i want to just gobble him up. i can see that the day will come when he won't fit into my arms anymore. although inconceivable to me, he will one day grow taller than me. it's so strange, i want him to remain a cuddly baby forever, but i also want to see him grow up.

there is no turning back from this avalance of contradictory, overwhelming and totally new emotions i have been experiencing since entering the motherhood club. and i wouldn't change a thing.