Summer begins

Summer has begun. Our morning routine has evolved over the years as the kids have grown and changed. As of now, we are going to bed late because of daily masjid in Sherullah. So the kids get up a little bit before I do, and they know their summer schedule.

Get dressed, pray fajr namaaz, come downstairs and eat your breakfast, do your academic and madrasa homework, do your tadreeb, and then go play! 

They have been spending hours and hours outside with the dozen neighbor kids who are their age. It's been wonderful for Taher and I to watch them play and explore and run around outside. They found a baby bird and helped it back into its nest. They found a dead garter snake. They collect bugs. They are planning a lemonade stand with the other kids. They play City and cops n robbers and sharks n minnows and they have soccer tournaments. It's awesome. Alhamdolillah for the million kids on our street.

The kids are impressing me in their own unique ways. It is fun to watch.

Nooriya is beyond confident. During tug of war at Field Day two weeks ago, she told me that she singlehandedly won the contest against much bigger kids and that her team, behind her on the rope, weren't doing anything but chit chatting while she pulled their way to victory. Not sure how accurate this is, but I love that she assumes that she is stronger than several larger children.

At her ballet recital, she didn't want to leave the stage. On rehearsal day she was actually disappointed that there were so few people in the audience, and I had to reassure her that on recital day there would be hundreds of people. That satisfied her. She was a total ham up there- she loves the attention. It's cool to see someone brimming over with confidence this way.

Yusuf meanwhile made a hifzing niyat for Sherullah. And he woke up for sihori today and ate like a champ and then went back to bed after fajr. He is taking his rozu very seriously and is now playing outside. 

He is showing dedication to namaz and rozu this Sherullah and I am impressed that he is absorbing the spirituality of the month. 

Alhamdolillah :)

Eid!

Today was Eid. One of my very favorite days of the year.

I have been reading people's reflections as Sherullah draws to a close. People are thinking about what they want to carry forward from Ramazaan, what they want to retain. How they've done. Their resolutions, their wins, their shortcomings. 

While I am certainly also thinking about what the past month has meant to me, today I am fully in the present. I am no longer in the routine of the past 30 days. Masjid every night. Rozu every day. Nocturnal schedules, focused ibadat, dehydration headaches, so much Quran, so much satisfaction, so much striving.

I am also not yet in the post-Ramazan days. Withdrawal from the schedule has not yet set in, I have not yet figured out how the past month will affect my next months- spiritually, mentally. I have not yet reestablished a "normal" schedule. I have not yet slept a full night. 

Instead, I am only in the now. The one day, Eid, that is suspended between Ramazan and post-Ramazan. The day we celebrate. The day my community members - the people I have known since infancy - are so, so happy. So dressed up. Exchanging greetings and gifts and laughs with abandon.

I love Eid. I feel love and I feel loved. And whatever happens tomorrow, today is a remarkable day. A magical day. A day out of time, in which I don't have to reflect upon yesterday or decide about tomorrow. 

Side note- Eid 2015 was red-letter for Yusuf. He has been coveting the Xbox One that has sat on the raffle table for the past month, walking by it daily and telling me, "I hope we win that!" I knew that the chances of winning the one thing he wanted were slim, so all month, I have told him, "Yes, that would be cool! But if we don't win, it's ok! Alhamdolillah, right?" And he has dutifully answered, "Yes, alhamdolillah."

Today. The raffle began. They announced some prizes and winners. And then they announced the Xbox and Yusuf looked at me with hope in his eyes. I love that boy and his optimism :) But then. They called my name. I was in disbelief- there was no way this could work out this beautifully. But it was true, and Yusuf was cheering excitedly to prove it. I won the Xbox, and Yusuf got what he had been clearly doing the right kind of dua for all month :)

I am proud of my kids. They participated in the Quran competition and did beautifully. They were so comfortable on stage- they seemed to be enjoying themselves. Nooriya loved being up there. Yusuf was at ease.

All month, they have worked hard at hifzing. They have stretched themselves and they have achieved so much.

I learned from them this month. I decided to not only host family Eid dinner at our house, but to cook for it as well. I don't like to cook, and I don't hide that fact. But it occurred to me - I needed to stretch myself as well. I haven't cooked for my extended family in longer than I can remember. So I cooked. Yesterday and today, I cooked. I took a page from Yusuf and Nooriya's book and I tried something new. 

And my sasu sasra were happy, and proud, and they told me so. They are used to seeing me do interviews and have literary accomplishments, and they say they are proud, but when I cooked for them, they were truly delighted. And I was proud of myself.

So. On this magical day, Yusuf's wish came true, my enchiladas were delicious, I spent the day surrounded by family and friends, and all I can say is this: may my last word always be

Alhamdolillah.

Touching Base

It has been a while since I blogged. Lots of balls in the air :)

The new house is coming along well. Alhamdolillah. We had another walkthrough last week, and it is very exciting seeing everything framed out. It is becoming so easy to imagine the house being finished, where our furniture will go, what activities we will do where. 

We have had several of our family members come to the house and sign the wooden frame of the house in various rooms. All 4 parents and Yusuf and Nooriya came after Nooriya's ballet recital. Some of the brothers/bhabis/nieces have come, and the rest intend to. 

It's neat, having their signatures and well wishes and funny messages on the walls. When the drywall is up and painted and we live in the home, we will know that right here, inside the wall, this person wrote this, and that person wrote that. 

Built on the foundation of khaki shifa from Karbala, and framed with the love of our family. Alhamdolillah :)

On a different note, I lost a friend on Sunday. She wasn't well for a long time, and her passing wasn't a surprise, but the loss of her has reminded me of how much there is to do shukr for. I am eternally grateful that I got to speak to her on Saturday, the day before she passed. That she heard me and knew I was thinking about her. That her pain is over. 

Onward. We just have to keep spending our days teaching Yusuf and Nooriya to do shukr and to be kind. That's it.

Alhamdolillah.

Morning Routine, Winter 2015

Sometimes I like to write a post about our morning routine, just so I can see how much it has changed.

It represents how much the kids have changed. 

And it reminds me that the changes are good- they may be moving further and further away from chubby babyhood, but that's ok. They are relying on us in different ways than they used to, and they are closer to us in ways that wouldn't have been possible when they were still infants.

So. Nowadays, Nooriya wakes up first, around 6am, and goes potty and brushes her teeth. Then she changes into the clothes that I laid out the night before. Then she goes downstairs and grabs the cereal bowl and spoon and cereal off the counter, and puts them on the table, and then opens the fridge and grabs one of the two cups of milk that are on the lower shelf. She has her breakfast - sometimes early enough where Taher gets to have breakfast with her - and by this time, Yusuf is usually up. He goes through the same potty/teeth/change/breakfast routine that Nooriya just completed.

At this point, I am wide awake but trying to stay in bed until 7am. I usually accomplish this. I then walk out of my room and call Nooriya upstairs so I can brush and braid her hair, and I remind both kids to make their beds. If Nooriya doesn't have her glasses on yet, I remind her to put them on.

While I am getting ready for the day, the kids are either playing together or reading side by side. When I come downstairs and I see them sitting next to each other, noses buried in books, I am reminded of how different life is now. When they were babies, the morning meant crying and milk and diapers and wrangling and juggling - and I rarely got to shower in the morning. 

But alhamdolillah, although we have left the wrangling behind, they are still so cuddly. This morning they don't have school, so they came into my bed and we just hung out for 20 minutes before starting our day. 

Alhamdolillah. Did I say that? Is it even possible to say it enough?

Little Science Guy

Yusuf loves science and experiments. Yesterday he was asking Taher about evaporation (pronouncing it EV-aporation instead of EVE-aporation, which was adorable- and he set up an experiment with two glasses of water. He placed one by the sunny window and another on the counter and he wants to see which evaporates faster. He even made a little chart to note times.

I love the things they come up with.

Morning Routine

Our morning routine is constantly evolving as the kids get older and able to do more things independently. 

I was thinking about that this morning as I told Yusuf to get ready for school. When he was a tiny infant, I used to dread mornings. Taher would leave and I would be nursing Yusuf and mentally willing Taher not to leave me alone with this colicky, demanding baby. He would start the day by wailing and would continue the wailing all day long.

As he grew out of the colic, the wailing stopped but mornings were still plenty demanding. He needed changing and feeding and entertaining and often getting myself fed and changed was low on the list of priorities. I hit the ground running every single day. Of course, all of it was lovely and I cherished- and I still do - my time with Yusuf. 

Nowadays, mornings are very different. Both kids come into my bed for some cuddling and I love that. So much. And then as I begin helping Nooriya through her morning routine I simply tell Yusuf, "Get ready, Janoo" and he proceeds to use the bathroom, change into the clothes I've laid out, fold his pjs, make his bed, brush his teeth, and eat his breakfast. All on his own. I step in to wet comb his cowlick and he is done. It's a far cry from the crying of 6 years ago. 

And by now I'm smart enough to wish the days would go by more slowly. 

Yusuf's big week

This week Yusuf has had a lot of cool moments. He got a trophy in taekwondo for Most Dedicated Student, he graduated from Minnow to Turtle 1 in swim class and got a ribbon, and he lost his first tooth on Lalitul Qadr! His milestones keep coming and now that he is older, he shares in the excitement with us. We are proud of our little man. 

KG!

In three months, Yusuf behind KG. I can't fathom that he will be away from 8:45am until 3:20pm every day. It's so strange. And he is such a pleasure to be around that I know I will miss him. It feels like the beginning of a new stage- it is, I know - and I feel a little nostalgic.

When he was a colicky baby I bet I would have been mighty pleased if someone had just taken him off my hands until 3:20pm every day. But as I realize more and more every day, he is not a colicky little baby anymore. Far, far from it. 

Yusuf of the fancy vocabulary ("I certainly prefer the aquarium to the museum", "If you have no teeth, chewing would be problematic") and the lengthy explanations ("Mummy let me tell you all about invertebrates/hurricanes/condensation") and the inquisitive mind and the responsible instincts and the noble-mindedness- he is growing up. 

So when he does have a cranky moment, even in the midst of my exasperation, I am pleased. Because he is still my little boy. Don't grow up too quickly.

small now

i haven't blogged in a while. i need to do it more often, so here goes!

every now and then i suddenly realize that my tiny children will one day be teenagers, and that, according to everyone who has older children, this will happen "before i know it" and "in the blink of an eye" and "so quickly". and in response to this realization i quickly scoop up the nearest one and plant kisses all over him/her and relish in how easy it is to make them laugh.

i know there are great things to come, inshallah, but i hear older kids don't cuddle freely and smile with their entire bodies and their skin doesn't look luminous even in harsh direct sunlight.

and if you tell them something super cheesy like, "hey, you know what? i loved you before i even met you!" their response is closer to the eye-rolling end of the spectrum than the nod-enthusiastically-and-offer-hugs end of the spectrum.

not that i can blame them. i say some super-cheesy things. and if karma exists, i will be the recipient of much eye-rolling in the years to come.

techy

when yusuf was one, we thought it was adorable that he would hold toys up to his ear and pretend to talk on the phone.

now that he's almost 3, he has taken to carrying around an old cell phone in his jeans pocket and he keeps pulling it out and talking quickly on it and then flipping it closed and smoothly putting it back in his pocket.

and a little while ago he lined up a bunch of his animals and told them to stay still so he could take a video. and then he pretended to be annoyed with the video and press a bunch of buttons, presumably to delete it- since that is usually what i do when i take a video (but in my defense, my subjects do NOT hold as still as yusuf's animals do).

this stage of his life comes with a lot of tantrums, but thankfully they are outnumbered by moments that just crack me up.

going places

nooriya started taking steps a couple of weeks ago, but they were not controlled steps- more like, "woah, woah, i'm moving, ahh..." and then she'd fall down. the fact that she was doing this at all at 10.5 months of age was impressive to me, since yusuf was in the "that looks dangerous- i think i'll just stay here, close to the floor" category until just past his first birthday, at which point he decided to risk it and take some steps.

last night, nooriya actually got up and just sauntered across the floor for about 6 steps before my clapping, yelling and hooting scared her and she dropped to a crawl and started crying. sorry, nooriya! moms are excitable.

they have such different styles, these two. yusuf definitely does his share of noisemaking and jumping off of things and running around and around and around the room, but more often than not you will find him sitting with a puzzle or telling you the difference between a bison and a buffalo (something about the horns, i guess), while nooriya goes off to scale a wall or something. she will sit quietly only if the planets align in just the right way. otherwise it's one adventure after another with this girl.

i already know which one of them, in high school, will actually learn physics while the other just memorizes the formulas.

a long way from aapo

these days, yusuf has a vocabulary that constantly surprises me. he knows words that are very difficult to define, and i know he learned them by just absorbing their meaning, but i am still very impressed at the nuances that he understands.

how did he learn words such as "instead" and "already" and "thinking"? i seriously don't get it.

and in the meantime, nooriya over here is crawling (not gracefully, but offically crawling), and as i type this she has made her way into the foyer and is navigating her way directly towards the shoes. i see what's ahead in the coming months - gates that have been open will soon be closed and yusuf will either have to learn to manipulate them open or live in confines he hasn't experienced in over a year - but for now i'm thrilled. she is mobile and curious and brave, and now she is over by the stairs. i guess we'll add "speedy" to that list.

the 39 steps

for Mother's Day, taher bought us tickets to a broadway show, so that's what we did this past friday night. these days we have a date night regularly, if not frequently. but we haven't gone to the city and seen a show in ages. and doing so on friday recalled, for me, a state of mind that i haven't had in a long time.

it wasn't that we were doing something new- rather, it was that we were doing something old- something that we used to do so often- that i felt like we had gone back in time 3 years.

i felt like a version of myself that i haven't glimpsed in a while, and it was nice.

on another note, as i was driving yusuf to school this morning, one house had a poster with a dated picture of a 2-year-old on it, and it read "happy high school graduation brian! we are proud of you." which made me realize that if their 18 year old was once 2, then my 2 year old will someday be 18. and way taller than me. which i cannot even comprehend at this point.

but it definitely makes me appreciate even more the fact that yusuf loves being cuddled and kissed and tickled. i'm thinking teenagers don't like that quite as much.

i like how you are

yusuf loves elephants, school buses and nooriya. get on the floor and pretend you are an animal- any animal- and you will make his day. tell him what something is and he will answer, "that's right" and nod like a schoolmarm. catch him doing something he shouldn't be doing and he will give you a smile that is positively studded with mischief, but also so charming that you will choose to ignore the transgression. how did he learn to do that? i mean, seriously. also his new favorite thing is to not only wash his hands and face after a meal, but sneak his plate into the bathroom sink as well and give it a rinse. he thinks he's helping, but yesterday i found a soggy, empty raisin box in the sink.

nooriya loves taking ridiculously short naps, spitting up huge amounts of milk and laughing really loudly for almost any reason. tickle her face, bounce her up and down, bring yusuf into her line of sight, and you will be rewarded with giggles that sound like rainbows and butterflies and other summery, shimmery, yummy things. bring a mirror into her line of sight and she turns the charm on, trying to make friends with that baby in the mirror. man, she likes that baby.

just what i wanted...

...although it has nothing to do with me.

yusuf and nooriya's surprisingly lovely relationship, that is. sure, yusuf occasionally takes back a toy or a book that he feels nooriya is stealing from him. but even when he does that, he gives her something else to distract her first. which is rather kind and caring, coming from a 2.5-year-old.

when he walks into the room and sees her, he exclaims, "hi nooriya! HI!" and runs towards her. on her end, she lights up, all smiles, legs kicking, trying to aim her rolling in his direction.

when he wakes up from a nap, he wants to see her. her fussing usually stops when he bounds into the room.

i mean, wow. i know they'll have their not-so-lovely moments, but right now i am loving this. a 2 year old boy isn't gentle with anything (many destroyed belongings of yusuf will attest to this), but with nooriya, he knows that he has to be a little more careful.

and my favorite, favorite part- when she is crying, he'll come over and hold her hand. and coo softly. and give her sweet smiles. and my even MORE favorite part? when he does all this, she stops crying.

it's magical. i hope this lasts, in some form, forever.

yusuf

these days, i watch yusuf and i feel like documenting every little thing he does- he amazes me at times, and i feel that if i don't record every moment, i will, years from now, forget how special this stage is in his life.

i have a feeling that i will say the same thing at every stage of his life, but since i have a moment right now, i want to write down some of this while it's in my head. more for his sake than anyone else's, so bear with me if this bores anyone who isn't as invested in the little guy as i am :)

lately yusuf has been impressing us daily with his knowledge of things that we didn't think he could understand. he is showing us that he can learn things at lightning speed and that he is eager to absorb as much information as we can give him.

i bought him some puzzles a couple of months before nooriya was born- ABC's and 123's and colors- and he would bring each piece to us and ask, "what's this?" we answered him each time he asked, and within days he knew his letters and numbers and colors. i don't know how he learned so much in such a short amount of time, but it taught me something about how much of a sponge he is right now. and how to take better advantage of it.

his imaginary play delights me as well. it's come a long way from pretending to eat from toy bowls and spoons. and his perception constantly surprises me- he picks up on things that i would have thought were too subtle for him to understand. the way i'm holding my phone, he knows if i'm about to make a call or take a picture. and the way he manipulates us with his crying or his smiles is something i cannot even begin to dissect- it's an art form, apparently, and he knows he's good at it.

who knew two-year-olds were so fascinating?

Happy 2nd Birthday, Yusuf!

today is yusuf's 2nd birthday. i can't believe my baby boy is two years old!

he just got off the phone with his kaka/kaki, and now he's on the phone with his other kaka/kaki and his dada/dadi- and in the background his cousins are singing happy birthday to him :)

i can't believe how much yusuf talks and understands these days- he is becoming a real kid and less of a toddler everyday. he sits in his carseat and points stuff out the window to nooriya, and talks to his little sister as though it's his job to educate her about the world.

i am so proud of my happy little boy. he makes our lives infinitely better and our world infinitely brighter, and i love him more than i can describe.

happy birthday, yusuf!

learning to juggle

we came home from the hospital 2 weeks ago today, and yesterday was my first day alone at home with both kids. it went smoothly because i figured out a schedule beforehand that would help me juggle yusuf's needs with nooriya's. it also went smoothly because nooriya takes a nice, long nap after each nursing session; this gives me a chance to spend a lot of alone time with yusuf.

since i took over yusuf's daytime schedule again (the past two weeks it's been taher or one of our four parents who have been doing most of yusuf's care, while i concentrated on nooriya and, secondarily, myself). even though today is only the second day that i have been the one to wake yusuf and dress him and do his diapers and his meals, etc etc, i can already see that he's feeling good about it. things are back to normal for him, since mummy is the one who is around all day with him. sure, there's a baby around also, but he's tolerating her presence for now. once she starts touching his toys, this may change.

anyway. right now the baby is sleeping and the toddler is eating raisins. they are making my 2nd solo day manageable, and i am beginning to think i can actually handle this in the long run! check back in a few months to see if i'm still sane :)

thank you, nooriya, for being a calm, content baby. you're awesome. and thank you, yusuf, for being dependable and routine-following. you're awesome as well.

happy birthday, yusuf!

a friend of mine asked me today, "do you remember what you were doing last year at this time?"

oh, yes. i do. and although that day was a magical one and a joyous one, it was also hard and chaotic and confusing. i had been in labor for 24 hours by the time yusuf arrived, and my feelings of awe and happiness were mingled with fatigue and anxiety and pain.

this year, i'm free to just love yusuf without any of the difficult stuff. this is the first birthday of his that i am enjoying completely. and after a year of getting to know him, it's the first birthday that i think i am beginning to actually understand what he adds to our lives.

as his borders widen and he develops preferences and likes and dislikes, as he tests the boundaries of mummy and abba's "No!", as he learns how to get a laugh out of us and how to ask for what he wants, i begin to vaguely glimpse the future.

he's already ONE! but it's just the beginning.

alhamdolillah for last nov 25th, for this one, for the next ones.

journey

watching yusuf learn to be himself, i think about his history- about the people who laid the groundwork for him to be here.

his four grandparents moved here almost four decades ago, leaving one of the world's oldest civilizations to make a home in one of the newest. their lives changed in ways i cannot imagine, and they became used to a completely different existence.

maybe, in our own ways, yusuf and i have been on similar journeys. i have come to inhabit a space called motherhood, which is surprising and foreign and a world apart from where i lived before. yet i've found my place within it, made it my home. yusuf's journey, though, trumps all, i think. every single day, i feel, is a different world from the day before. he has yet to find a stopping point where he can just be. rather things are always moving and changing around him, and when he finally gets his bearings, things change again.

yet he seems to be taking it all in stride. yes, there are new things to explore. new words to learn. toys and people and books and field trips and lights and music and errands and food- so much newness that it's clear he is programmed to handle it better than any habit-bound adult ever could.

he inspires me not to rest on the achievements i already attribute to myself, not to congratulate myself too heartily for the difficult things that i accomplish. yusuf accomplishes something every single day, and, determined and curious, he moves ever forward.