21 weeks

right now, 12 people i know are pregnant. including me! there must be something in the drinking water.

i'm 21 weeks and alhamdolillah, things are going well. although this is our second time around i still don't find myself blase about the experience. pregnancy is such a unique situation, where my body is enacting an enormously significant physical process without any conscious input from me at all. without actually thinking about it, i'm getting something major accomplished.

it's magical and also very, very weird.

anyway, i'm trying to enjoy the journey and not try to fast-forward to the end. i am definitely eager to meet the new baby, but in the meantime i'm just savoring the fact that i only have one child now- a child with a predictable daytime schedule, who reliably sleeps through the night :)

and on another note, happy birthday, taher!!! :)

36 weeks

in a matter of weeks, everything will change drastically and i find myself wavering between a semblance of preparedness and a panic attack.

of course, i'm not worried about how i'll feel once i see this baby's face and hold it for the first time. once that happens, i fully expect biology and instinct and love to take over and i'll welcome the chaotic rollercoaster to whisk us away as we become parents. but having never been there or done that, all i can do is anticipate at this point...

as i contemplate our last few weeks of being alone together, with our relatively carefree existence intact, i cannot believe months and months and months have gone by. and that somehow i have managed to create a fully formed human being inside my body from nothing but pure potential. and that now it's almost ready for the world! it's fascinating. and it motivates me to take not only fantastic care of the brand new human, but better care of myself as well. this magical machine that can somehow manufacture newborns deserves a better regimen of diet and exercise, and with all the changes that are soon to come about, i think i'll add this to the list.

anyway. the next time i blog, i suspect it'll be from the flip side of this experience. stay tuned...

the world of women

this past year, several of my friends have become pregnant or had babies. it's been a very festive atmosphere, at least in my opinion, as i have watched my friends' tummies - and mine! - grow larger and adorable, tiny babies appear out of nowhere.

with each baby, we have had a baby shower and a mithi sitabi to celebrate the coming child. we have shown up bearing gifts and well wishes and have worked together to make sure each individual knew that we were happy for her.

the guys, of course, have felt happy for each other as well, but this past sunday, as i attended another baby shower and played familiar baby shower games and watched a close friend open presents that we had piled around her, i felt very lucky to be one of this tribe of women. we have set in place certain traditions that actually formalize how genuinely joyful we feel for each other, whether we are mothers already or soon-to-be.

31 weeks

it's been a while since i've blogged, and now, well into my third trimester, the end is in sight. i will miss being pregnant, i know that already, but there are certainly aspects of this trimester that make my days all about pregnancy, and i am ready to move beyond that.

certainly, the baby's constant kicking is still one of the most magical things i've ever experienced. yet my very swollen fingers, my constant backache and my perpetual shortness of breath are things to which i will bid a gleeful goodbye once this baby is here...

19.5 weeks

"i am still enchanted
by the light you brought to me..
i listen through your ears
and through your eyes i can see..."

i felt the baby move for the first time this week! i've been waiting impatiently for these first flutters, and i am now waiting impatiently for stronger kicks. but for the time being, it's definitely a cool bonding feeling to have these intermittent rumblings.

questions, questions

i feel like i should have little cards made up, saying:

"4.5 months... no, we're not finding out... feeling great, thank you!"

people's questions may be redundant but they're heartwarming as well.

14.5 weeks

it's so amazing- and surreal- to think that this baby hasn't yet made an appearance in the world, and yet he/she already has a personality, a disposition, a complexion, a unique brand of humor, a unique set of talents. even more fundamental, it already has a gender. so much about this child is already determined that more and more, i find myself really eager to meet him/her.

13 weeks

i haven't blogged or journalled at all in the last two months, due to my low energy level. lately, though, i find myself thinking and writing a lot about my priorities and about where i want to direct my energy.


one of these priorities is my health; having taken it for granted all my life, i am beginning to think this is not the best way to go about things. i will never forget the first time taher and i saw the baby in an ultrasound; the first time we heard the heartbeat. seeing someone nestled in there, with a working heart, with organs in the midst of being created. my body has been working harder than ever before, creating this tiny human, and i know now what a toll this can take upon me. while in some ways i am simply a bystander to the awe-inspiring process of creation going on inside my body, i realize there are things i can do to make my body healthier. both during and after this pregnancy, and before my next one.

incubative state

several weeks ago, taher and i found out that we're going to have a baby. the initial excitement and anticipation i felt soon gave way, however, to sickness and fatigue. for two months, i experienced what many women experience in their first trimester and i learned not to take my health and energy so much for granted. being tired and nauseous every day for two months was upsetting and difficult, and made it difficult to enjoy the knowledge that i was pregnant.

thankfully, things change. as my second trimester begins, i have found my energy returning. i feel better than i have in weeks, and i have a newfound excitement about beginning to look pregnant and the prospect of getting even bigger!